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Texas Rules and Regulations for Hunting Lawyers

1. Any person with a valid Texas State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. Please notify authorities so that any injured attorny may be put down humanely.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a golf cart, helicopter, or other aircraft.

5. Calling attorneys is an acceptable practice. Common calls include shouting "whiplash", "ambulance", and "free Perrier".

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships, or Strip Bars.

7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.

9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.

10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.


1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2
2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 3
3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 5
4. Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2
5. Honest Attorney: Protected if seen. Believed to be EXTINCT.
6. Cut-throat 2
7. Back-stabbing Whiner 2
8. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2
9. Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 bounty
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