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1. To Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables, Get Someone Else To
Hold The Vegetables While You Chop.

2. To Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat - Use The Sink.

3. For High Blood Pressure Sufferers ~ Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed For A Few Minutes, Thus Reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. [remember To Use A Timer.]

4. A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.

5. If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives - You'll Be Afraid To Cough.

6. You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.

7. If You Can't Fix It With A Hammer, You've Got An Electrical Problem.

Daily Thought:

Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything, But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When You Push Them Down The Stairs.
 
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