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Hey everyone! People asking me where I've been lately, I've been around. Still riding the bike, still playing on the houseboat, and still writing (for money, when I can.) Due for two total knee replacements in March. Hope to be back in the saddle by the first of summer.

As for Ted's Random Realities, here's a mix of some old and new. Meanwhile, I'll wave if I see ya's on the road! Good to see some familiar names on this list.

T.

The Bad Ted



Some people say I'm obsessive-compulsive. That is so untrue.

I just do what I gotta do, man! I just...

Oh.
Wait.
OK, nevermind...
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The last several times I quit smoking, I was doing without 20, maybe 25 cigarettes a day. This time, I figure I am not smoking as many as two or three THOUSAND cigarettes a day! So I am definitely getting good at this.
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I heard about this new sport called "Waterboarding." After I get new knees, I'm going!
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I flicked my Bic before the eyes of my little dog, Sugar, and said, "See?" reassuring her that yes, I am God.

Dogs are usually pretty easy.
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It occurred to me this morning how many things we do in this life that shouldn't be necessary. For example, if people would just behave like civilized human beings, I wouldn't have to go waving my .45 around all over the place.
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The literal translation of my name, "Theodore" from Greek is "Gift of God." Sometimes when I am feeling really low, I dunno, it just helps to remind myself of that.

It usually helps even more to remind everyone else.
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The saddest day of my life was when I realized I was already too old to have a mentor, and still too dumb to be one.
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I have no respect for carlessness.
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No matter what other misfortunes my parents might have heaped on me when I was a child, at least they didn't nickname me "Squeaky." How could I not be grateful for that?
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The things we are obsessive about become the realities of our lives.
No, wait. Reverse that.
Well, no.
Shit. I'm just not sure, and it's driving me crazy.
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Love means never having to say I'm sorry. By God.
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You cannot open your heart without baring your breast. Trusting requires Courage. Trusting is actually a gift to yourself of Strength and Faith.

And giving gifts to yourself, as everyone knows, is a win/win deal.
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Why do people insist on calling it the hot water heater? It's the friggin' cold water heater, for cryin' out loud. I get blank stares all the time. I'm about to just give up changing the world.

But this is the only thing I have to worry about, so I'm ok.
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The worst thing about having conversations with yourself is this:
If you're ever going to find true resolution, eventually you have to be totally honest.

Or maybe that's the best thing about having conversations with yourself, I don't know. I'll have to think about it. Maybe talk it over.
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Some days, I feel like I'm just mising something.
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Whenever I'm playing solitaire and I lay out more than 3 of one kind, I always say, "Fuck that," and redeal.

I know when I'm being cheated. I won't tolerate it.
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Guy on the boat dock this weekend was kinda drunk, and he meant to tell the old joke. What he said was, "The worst blowjob of my whole life was still wonderful."
So of course I asked, "Did you swallow?"
Lost another friend before he was even well made.
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Roxanne told me the other night, in a sort of misty afterglow...well, what she said was, "I was put on this earth to love you. That's why I'm here."
So, she's got that goin' for her...
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I woke up last night and couldn't get back to sleep. So I went to the kitchen, sat down at the table, and played a game of Lazy Susan, just to pass the time and some condiments.
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"What's your point?" he asked.
"To obfuscate and confuse," I replied.
"I see," he said.
But he didn't, not really.
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I'm going to continue writing humorous things, but I'm going to quit making them reliant on those stupid, underlying elements of truth. That's so bogus.
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There are many levels to the truth
Perspectives on it, too,
Those certain blacks and whites of youth,
Blend grey, upon review.

T.
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I downloaded a bootleg copy of a spyware scanner to protect my computer. When I fired it up, it infected my PC with a real nasty virus.

I hate justice when it happens to me.
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We Are

For all our fears, yet unmet, we are not cowards.
For all our truths, yet unrevealed, we are not liars.
For all our questions, yet unanswered, we are not hopeless.
For all our dreams, yet unwakened, we are not asleep.
For all we are not, we are.
T.
 

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Thanks for stopping in:)

Love this one...

"Roxanne told me the other night, in a sort of misty afterglow...well, what she said was, "I was put on this earth to love you. That's why I'm here."
So, she's got that goin' for her..."


She sure has it made:D
 

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I always love to read your stuff.

We also had a houseboat for a while. We found that doggie pawprints made with red tennessee clay are for life. Once we moved to Fladah we found Friday able to transport huge amounts of sand along with the standard five or six gallons of water. Our condo bacame a beach filter, ball container.
A happy place.

More folks knew him than us, we were just Friday's parents. Multiple generations would throw the ball, scratch his ears or butt, walk way out of their way just to call his name, say hi. He chased beach birds and I swear they enjoyed it too.

Once, while waiting on some friends arrival at WPB airport (50 miles) a flight attendant popped out of the elevator and ignoring me completely says" Well hidy Friday, how're you doin'". That boy, he always did like pretty blondes.

Well, by now you've guessed the sad part. We didn't have to make that horrible decision, he took that load as well. He played and enjoyed "surveying his domain" 'till the end. Sometimes, when I find a tennis ball in the sand, I'll fire it back out to sea. A dog outta have a ball.

My, I guess I needed a little purge.
No hijack intended.
Need to update my profile.

Arwa (water) Dowd (dog)

Jim
 
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