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Most of us find ourselves at some point in our lives where we do not control events; rather, they control us.

So events control, right now, and my 2007 LT sits snugly inside its cover because I simply do not have the heart to unfold and roar out this pristine beauty.

My dear wife, you see, has Stage IV breast cancer (liver tumors) and the damn disease continues to take its inevitable toll. This insidious cancer has in fact consumed our lives and you can understand that I cannot begin to "enjoy myself" when Deb can hardly get out of bed.

So, instead of riding to Montana--where both of us would be right now--we instead consult with doctors; Deb receives "treatment," and we wait for an improvement in her condition, which will never come.

I do not leave Deb's side and will never do so. Most of you, I am certain, would have about the same perspective if your wives were similarly stricken. After all, we men are far more loyal to their wives than we are ever given credit for...

What is my point?

Actually, I just wanted from this group a sympathetic, listening ear--as well as for others out there similarly assaulted--as I well know we are not alone in this terrible situation.

But, I also wanted you to know that I thoroughly enjoy the stories about your great trips and adventures.. I live vicariously through your descriptive accounts and maybe someday--but probably not--I'll again join you out on the immortal back roads of this great country.

But if things do not break our way, I'll never again get astride my LT. Too many memories... You know what I mean.

-Best wishes, and I beseech good health to all... Clark
 

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Clark,

You will always have our ear and sympathy. Please keep us posted on her condition and when you need a shoulder I think there are some pretty broad ones on this list. I applaud you for being man enough to admit that your better half comes first. Sorry for your situation Brother.
 

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Hello Clark,


I was very touched by your post and, through you, I gained more insight to the value of things I may take for granted.

Cancer has touched my family as well. It rocks you to your core and forces you to deal with things you never imagined.

My best wishes and prayers are for you and your dear wife during this trying time.


God bless,

Brian
 

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Clark, very sad to hear, but great that you feel comfortable enough with your LT "family" to share... there's a lot of us out here listening.....
Cancer is a bitch and does its worst, but will never take away great memories.
There's been a huge wave of resurgence through Oz about breast cancer over the past few years because of several highly public people talking about it, such as Kylie Minogue (a singer of some repute) and if you know anything about cricket, Jane McGrath, wife of one our our greatest fast bowlers who lost her fight recently
( http://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au ).

Take solace and courage from the fight of others who have spoken out, and feel free to share with us if you need to.

Hope you find the spirit to ride again, and remember the best of times.....
 

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Clark, I am truly sorry for what you must be going through. As there is nothing that I can say to eliminate the pain and suffering you both must be going through, just know that you have a lot of friends, who you have not met, who have you in their thoughts. This is something that you will get through and the pain will diminish. I sincerely wish you both peace.
 

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So sorry to hear it Clark. I can't imagine what the two of you must be going through. Enjoy the time you have left together. Please know that you and your dear wife will be in our thoughts and prayers.
 

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I can't find the words.
God Bless.
 

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Clark, as was said above you and Deb are family. Both of you will be in our prayers. When you need a moment of fresh air and step out side, remember we are all here for you. All around the world you have friends and we will be here when you decide to come back. God Bless.
 

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Clark, I don't know you or your wife, but I want to tell you that you have a group of friends here that truly feel your sorrow and are pulling for you and your wife. May you both find peace in the time you have together.

Joe
 

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Clark, we've never met, but we're part of two families: BMW & USMC. If you think it appropriate, could you post of photo of Deb. This way, when we think of her, we can put a face to the prayers.
God bless,
Frank
 

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So sorry to hear of your tough times. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during your trying times.
 

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Clark I am very sad to hear of you and your wifes misfortune. My family will keep you in our thought.
 

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Clark.. this damned disease has attacked my mother, my brother's wife, numerous other families we know and love.

We just found out my Mom now has to have a procedure to remove an "involved" lymph node near her heart...don't know if it is cancerous or not until they get a chance to biopsy...

None of these experiences, for those outside, are as personal and raw as Deb's and yours.

Be strong my brother... God gave you and Deb to each other and your courage will be tested as never before.... remember, we can't do this alone..

You are definitely in this deacon and my family's prayers....
 

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+1 on what Frank said..Wishing the best for you both..Semper Fi..
 

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Clark,

Having been through a blooming cataract followed after four months of blindness in my left eye, a mild/minor (thankfully) heart attack the follwoing year, then a quadruple bypass the year after, and then kidney failure two years after that I can definitely say that health is a serious issue. And one that affected my wife to be as well. She met me just before my bypass.

I told her then that if I survived, I would call her for another date. Her first thought was, great I just met someone I liked and he's going to die. I didn't. I called. We dated and then got married within a year. It was later that my kidney failed. Almost 4 more years of dialysis before I got a transplant. From my wife's best friend's husband (3/08). This August we are planning a short ride. Just the two of us.

The point here heing, it can look pretty dark, but if you deal with the issues one day at a time it's not nearly so bad as if you dwell on the potential problems/future. My wife had a difficult time understanding that view. My view has always surprised people (particulalry the nurses and doctors). My attitude has always been positive. I'm almost always a happy guy. I wake up that way. I go to sleep that way. I enjoy life each and every day. Because, I could have died over 8 years ago already when I had a heart attack. If not then, when my kidneys failed. I was very close to death then and didn't even know it. Nor did my doctor until he ran a blood test.

I think one of the best things you personally can do for your wife is to maintain your happiness and positive attitude and help her to maintain her's as well. It's no laughing matter (or joke either), but happy people do seem to heal better than unhappy people. I've breazed through every surgery and illness I have had, and I attribute a lot of it to my attitude.

You may want to reconsider riding your LT if it also gives you joy and helps you to maintain your happiness. If the LT is not your style consider other ways to help you. The one thing I can think of to avoid is to constantly be with your wife 100% of the time if you are both having negative thoughts/feelings/emotions/etc. If that is the case you both need some time without each other to recupperate and maintain a healthy attitude. My wife had a difficult time with this concept while I was hospitalized (more than once), but did come to realize that what I told her (go out and have some fun with the kids, by yourself, etc.) and that I would be fine was a better way to live/cope with my illnesses. It helped her to live well. To help the children cope with my absence. In some respects to stop dwelling on the negatiove (boy can my wife worry!!!) and be a truely (not just an act) happier person.

Knowing that my wife and children were coping well with my illnesses also helped me to cope with then as I didn't need to worry about them as well as battle my illness at the time.

Regardless of what you choose to do (take my advice or not), however, I wish your wife a speedy recovery.
 

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Clark,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife.

I've been through tough times, involving cancer, and not involving cancer - never my wife, but I can relate a bit.

I agree that your place is with your wife; helping her with the tough road ahead. You're the rock; the reservoir of stability and strength that is needed in times like this. But rocks erode quickly when faced with unceasing forces. You need to take a break. Arrange for some of her friends to have an afternoon with her; either catered at the house or at another friend's house or restaurant. She needs the time with her friends, you need some time alone (or preferably riding with friends).

Learn to rely on friends in time of crisis. It's not poor form to involve a close friend or two to help out.

Instead of saying that you'll never ride again without her, I'd suggest that you consider riding to be an opportunity to ride and remember times when cancer was not part of the equation. It may not be easy to get through the first ride or two....but you should embrace the memories of better times instead of locking them away.

My sincerest wishes are with you and your wife. Best of luck in the future,

-Mark
 

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Knowing that my wife and children were coping well with my illnesses also helped me to cope with then as I didn't need to worry about them as well as battle my illness at the time.
AMEN

Good words Arthur.

Clark, the best thing, IMHO, you could do for your wife is live and enjoy.
I appalaud you for your stalworth devotion and dedicated love to your lovely bride. It is commendable in the highest regards. I, having read of your devotion, and understanding that such love is never a one-way street, have no doubt that your wife feels the same for you.

Semper Fi, Marine

Keep the wind to your back
 
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