BMW Luxury Touring Community banner
1 - 1 of 1 Posts

46 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
All too rarely airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight
'safety lecture' an announcements that is a bit more entertaining. Here
are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Southwest flight (where there is no assigned seating) passengers
were apparently having a hard time choosing. The flight attendant
announced, "People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, grab a
seat and get in it"!

2. On a Continental flight with a very 'senior' flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached our cruising altitude and
will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants".

3. On landing, the flight attendant said, "Please be sure to take all of
your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."

4. On a Delta flight----there may be fifty ways to leave your lover but
there are only 4 ways to leave this airplane so listen up".

5. Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride"

6. As the US Airways flight was landing at Reagan International airport a
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa big fella, Whoa!!

7. After a particularly rough landing during a thunderstorm in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure
as hell everything has shifted."

8. From a Southwest employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest flight 245 to
Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tube into the buckle
and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you
don't know how to operate one you probably shouldn't be out in public

9. From American Airlines - "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin
pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the
mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling
with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

10. Weather at your destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds.
But, we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines.

11. Your seat cushion can be used for a flotation device. In the event of
an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our

12. From American Airlines - As you exit the plane make sure to gather all
of your belongs. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
your flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.

13. "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants
in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt
Lake City. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said "That was
quite a bump, and, I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
wasn't the airlines' fault, it wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the
flight attendants was the asphalt".

15. Over heard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas on a
particularly windy and bumpy day; during the final approach the Captain was
really having to fight it. After an extremely hand landing the flight
attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate".

16. On a Delta flight after a less than perfect landing the flight
attendant said "Please remain in your seats while Captain Kangaroo bounces
us to the gate".

17. During a very hard landing an embarassed United pilot stood at the
door to tell everyone goodbye. He noticed a little old lady still sitting
in her seat. When he asked her if she was okay she said yes, but she
wanted to ask him something. When he said okay she asked "Did we just land
or were we shot down!".

18. A flight attendant was thanking her passengers for using their
airline. She added , "We would like to thank you for flying with us today.
And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies
in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways".

19. A Southwest Airline announcement; "Ladies and Gentlemen, the smoking
section on this airplane is the wing. If you can light them, you can smoke

20. A plane took off from Kennedy Airport and after it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude the captain made an announcement over the
intercom. "" Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome
to flight number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather
ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight. Now sit back and relax.....OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and
after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, I am sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to
you I accidentally spilled my hot coffee in my lap. You should see the
front of my pants". A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You
should see the back of mine!"
1 - 1 of 1 Posts