One of the mutual benefits of marriage is that each partner gets an instant excuse to blame the other for the "oops" of life.
My wife & I have made it work with a wink and a smile for over 48 years.
Unfortunately, (for her), it fell upon her to be the ADULT
in our relationship. She happened to fall in love with a guy with an "unfinished" childhood.
While we respect and support each other's interests, our pursuits take different paths. I'm more of a hands on participatory type person who enjoys wrenching on mechanical stuff (old iron), animals, gardening, riding horses and motorcycles, etc. She suffers from allergies and therefore is more of an indoor type and enjoys supporting and cheering on active and talented people from the sidelines as an encouraging supporter, mom, wife, life coach, counselor, while enjoying the role of spectator.
Early on in our relationship, I had talked her into going to a gathering of us "antique car enthusiasts." It was a very hot summer day. We bounced a hundred miles from home in an un-airconditioned vintage Studebaker truck. The event was on a black asphalt parking lot. It was a Sunday and the stores were closed. As all the men were gathered around our vehicles, hoods up, lost in our excitement, sharing our interests among ourselves...I took a moment to glance over at a place where the women had gathered. Under the shade of an awning, but very little comfort from the heat.
That's when a sense of "shame" washed over me as I saw my beautiful young wife and infant daughter, suffering in the heat, miserable, sweating, developing prickly heat. I had put them in distress because of an interest of mine that they really didn't share and shouldn't be required to. I immediately excused myself from the event, and drove home. On the way I apologized to her and explained that from now on I would never expect her to suffer such misery in the name of "togetherness."
We have mutual
interests, but we also have interests that are not equally pursued. So... from that day, neither of us have given up our individual pursuits...but have left it as an open invitation
to either do it together or apart, with no recriminations. These days, she will accompany me to certain car shows, but we have adapted. I'll be driving a vintage piece of "old-iron," while she's following (her car) in air-conditioned, computer controlled, modern lumbar support comfort, listening to surround sound stereo.
You will not see me riding "two-up"...I enjoy riding my motorcycle and know I would enjoy it less if I had a passenger who really didn't want to be there. Our agreement is closing in on a half-century...so far so good... (all my drops have been accomplished with no assistance)