Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: The Deep South of Vermont
Vermont humor primer
In anticipation of a few new folks joining Ride Vermont for the 1st time, I'd like to try to explain the sense of humor and sense of life that characterizes the indigenous here. New Hampshireites, and Mainers will get this (unless you ain't native, and are among the immigrants), but the foreigners and flatlanders need help in understanding, lest they miss-construe the intellect and intent. A question answered truthfully, and honestly, but without significant information is an art form dating back to the early times of subsistance agriculture. Simple people, with a straight forward sense of humor, often self deprecating. The closer you can get to these "real Vermonters" (yes, they are still around), the more you can experience the "Vermont State of Mind".
Q. Nice place you've got here Mister, lived here all your life?
A. Not yet.
Q. Is this the Barre Road?
Q. Well, does this road go to Barre?
Q. Well... how far is Barre from here?
Q. (exasperated) Jeez Mister, you don't know much do you?
A. Nope. But I ain't lost.
Q. How far is Barre from here?
A. How fast you gonna walk?
Asking a farmer who is fixiing an old wagon wheel:
Q:How'd the wheel get broke?
A. Hired man run it over a stone.
Q. Same hired man who ruined your daughter?
Q. Clumbsy ain't he?
Young boy talking to his grandmother?
Q. Think it'll rain GrandMa?
A. It'll be a long dry spell if it don't.
Looking at a herd of sheep:
Q. Sheep look pretty much ready for shearing, huh GrandPa?
A. Appears so, from this side.
Q. How'd you find that horse everyone's been looking for, Sonny?
A. Well.... I just thought if I was a horse.... where I'd go.... and I went... and he had.
Q. How much did you get for them pigs you sold last week, Jesse?
A. Not as much as I figured I might, but I never thought I would.
Auctioneer announcing that the local women had brought picnic lunches for sale to the auction attendees: "Yes folks, the food is mightly good, what there is of it. And, there's plenty of it, such as it is."
Q. What's the death rate around here?
A. About one to a person.
Flatlander watching a farmer clearing stones from the field using a stone boat:
Q. Watcha doing?
A. Clearing stone.
Q. What for?
A. So my plow won't get broke.
Q. Where'd those stones come from, anyway?
A. Glacier brung 'em.
Q. Where's the glacier now?
A. Went back to get more stones, I reckon.
Q. What do you folks do up here in the winter, when the road's blocked?
A. We just set and think... mostly set.
We will be riding through the country that these folks still live in, but it is hard to find 'em. Lucky, a couple of summers ago, and couple of us on bikes stopped at a small country store in Vermont (the only store in town) and a local fellow starting telling us jokes.
He asked: "Do you know what sound a woman makes when she's really satisified?"
We said: "No what"?
His reply: " I didn't think so."
Another one of his:
"What two things, when throwed in the air, will make a baby?"
We didn't know; his answer: " A women's legs."
This guy approached us, uninvited, as we were sitting on the porch of a Vermont country store and started telling his jokes. That's what you call "local color".
We'll be lucky to find these real Vermonters. We will smell the farms as we ride through. When we get there, remember to think that it smells good, not bad.