Out of action... perhaps the new reality - BMW Luxury Touring Community
 
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post #1 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 7:57 pm Thread Starter
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Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Most of us find ourselves at some point in our lives where we do not control events; rather, they control us.

So events control, right now, and my 2007 LT sits snugly inside its cover because I simply do not have the heart to unfold and roar out this pristine beauty.

My dear wife, you see, has Stage IV breast cancer (liver tumors) and the damn disease continues to take its inevitable toll. This insidious cancer has in fact consumed our lives and you can understand that I cannot begin to "enjoy myself" when Deb can hardly get out of bed.

So, instead of riding to Montana--where both of us would be right now--we instead consult with doctors; Deb receives "treatment," and we wait for an improvement in her condition, which will never come.

I do not leave Deb's side and will never do so. Most of you, I am certain, would have about the same perspective if your wives were similarly stricken. After all, we men are far more loyal to their wives than we are ever given credit for...

What is my point?

Actually, I just wanted from this group a sympathetic, listening ear--as well as for others out there similarly assaulted--as I well know we are not alone in this terrible situation.

But, I also wanted you to know that I thoroughly enjoy the stories about your great trips and adventures.. I live vicariously through your descriptive accounts and maybe someday--but probably not--I'll again join you out on the immortal back roads of this great country.

But if things do not break our way, I'll never again get astride my LT. Too many memories... You know what I mean.

-Best wishes, and I beseech good health to all... Clark

Clark Hall
Richmond, Ma
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post #2 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 8:02 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

So sorry to hear.....
You and your wife are in my prayers.....
May God be with you both
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post #3 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 8:17 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark,

You will always have our ear and sympathy. Please keep us posted on her condition and when you need a shoulder I think there are some pretty broad ones on this list. I applaud you for being man enough to admit that your better half comes first. Sorry for your situation Brother.

Jerry
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post #4 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 8:18 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Hello Clark,


I was very touched by your post and, through you, I gained more insight to the value of things I may take for granted.

Cancer has touched my family as well. It rocks you to your core and forces you to deal with things you never imagined.

My best wishes and prayers are for you and your dear wife during this trying time.


God bless,

Brian


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post #5 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 8:31 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark, very sad to hear, but great that you feel comfortable enough with your LT "family" to share... there's a lot of us out here listening.....
Cancer is a bitch and does its worst, but will never take away great memories.
There's been a huge wave of resurgence through Oz about breast cancer over the past few years because of several highly public people talking about it, such as Kylie Minogue (a singer of some repute) and if you know anything about cricket, Jane McGrath, wife of one our our greatest fast bowlers who lost her fight recently
( http://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au ).

Take solace and courage from the fight of others who have spoken out, and feel free to share with us if you need to.

Hope you find the spirit to ride again, and remember the best of times.....

Chris
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post #6 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 8:34 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark, I am truly sorry for what you must be going through. As there is nothing that I can say to eliminate the pain and suffering you both must be going through, just know that you have a lot of friends, who you have not met, who have you in their thoughts. This is something that you will get through and the pain will diminish. I sincerely wish you both peace.

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post #7 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 8:35 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

So sorry to hear it Clark. I can't imagine what the two of you must be going through. Enjoy the time you have left together. Please know that you and your dear wife will be in our thoughts and prayers.

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post #8 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 8:37 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

You and Deb are in our thoughts and our prayers!
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post #9 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 8:40 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

I can't find the words.
God Bless.

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post #10 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 8:56 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark, as was said above you and Deb are family. Both of you will be in our prayers. When you need a moment of fresh air and step out side, remember we are all here for you. All around the world you have friends and we will be here when you decide to come back. God Bless.

Ride 'em if you got 'em.
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post #11 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 9:28 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark, I don't know you or your wife, but I want to tell you that you have a group of friends here that truly feel your sorrow and are pulling for you and your wife. May you both find peace in the time you have together.

Joe
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post #12 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 9:31 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark, we've never met, but we're part of two families: BMW & USMC. If you think it appropriate, could you post of photo of Deb. This way, when we think of her, we can put a face to the prayers.
God bless,
Frank
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post #13 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 10:17 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

So sorry to hear of your tough times. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during your trying times.
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post #14 of 30 Old Jul 15th, 2008, 10:17 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark I am very sad to hear of you and your wifes misfortune. My family will keep you in our thought.

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post #15 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 12:03 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark.. this damned disease has attacked my mother, my brother's wife, numerous other families we know and love.

We just found out my Mom now has to have a procedure to remove an "involved" lymph node near her heart...don't know if it is cancerous or not until they get a chance to biopsy...

None of these experiences, for those outside, are as personal and raw as Deb's and yours.

Be strong my brother... God gave you and Deb to each other and your courage will be tested as never before.... remember, we can't do this alone..

You are definitely in this deacon and my family's prayers....

...............
J.M.J...
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post #16 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 12:06 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

+1 on what Frank said..Wishing the best for you both..Semper Fi..

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post #17 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 12:09 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark,

Having been through a blooming cataract followed after four months of blindness in my left eye, a mild/minor (thankfully) heart attack the follwoing year, then a quadruple bypass the year after, and then kidney failure two years after that I can definitely say that health is a serious issue. And one that affected my wife to be as well. She met me just before my bypass.

I told her then that if I survived, I would call her for another date. Her first thought was, great I just met someone I liked and he's going to die. I didn't. I called. We dated and then got married within a year. It was later that my kidney failed. Almost 4 more years of dialysis before I got a transplant. From my wife's best friend's husband (3/08). This August we are planning a short ride. Just the two of us.

The point here heing, it can look pretty dark, but if you deal with the issues one day at a time it's not nearly so bad as if you dwell on the potential problems/future. My wife had a difficult time understanding that view. My view has always surprised people (particulalry the nurses and doctors). My attitude has always been positive. I'm almost always a happy guy. I wake up that way. I go to sleep that way. I enjoy life each and every day. Because, I could have died over 8 years ago already when I had a heart attack. If not then, when my kidneys failed. I was very close to death then and didn't even know it. Nor did my doctor until he ran a blood test.

I think one of the best things you personally can do for your wife is to maintain your happiness and positive attitude and help her to maintain her's as well. It's no laughing matter (or joke either), but happy people do seem to heal better than unhappy people. I've breazed through every surgery and illness I have had, and I attribute a lot of it to my attitude.

You may want to reconsider riding your LT if it also gives you joy and helps you to maintain your happiness. If the LT is not your style consider other ways to help you. The one thing I can think of to avoid is to constantly be with your wife 100% of the time if you are both having negative thoughts/feelings/emotions/etc. If that is the case you both need some time without each other to recupperate and maintain a healthy attitude. My wife had a difficult time with this concept while I was hospitalized (more than once), but did come to realize that what I told her (go out and have some fun with the kids, by yourself, etc.) and that I would be fine was a better way to live/cope with my illnesses. It helped her to live well. To help the children cope with my absence. In some respects to stop dwelling on the negatiove (boy can my wife worry!!!) and be a truely (not just an act) happier person.

Knowing that my wife and children were coping well with my illnesses also helped me to cope with then as I didn't need to worry about them as well as battle my illness at the time.

Regardless of what you choose to do (take my advice or not), however, I wish your wife a speedy recovery.

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post #18 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 1:03 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife.

I've been through tough times, involving cancer, and not involving cancer - never my wife, but I can relate a bit.

I agree that your place is with your wife; helping her with the tough road ahead. You're the rock; the reservoir of stability and strength that is needed in times like this. But rocks erode quickly when faced with unceasing forces. You need to take a break. Arrange for some of her friends to have an afternoon with her; either catered at the house or at another friend's house or restaurant. She needs the time with her friends, you need some time alone (or preferably riding with friends).

Learn to rely on friends in time of crisis. It's not poor form to involve a close friend or two to help out.

Instead of saying that you'll never ride again without her, I'd suggest that you consider riding to be an opportunity to ride and remember times when cancer was not part of the equation. It may not be easy to get through the first ride or two....but you should embrace the memories of better times instead of locking them away.

My sincerest wishes are with you and your wife. Best of luck in the future,

-Mark
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post #19 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 1:11 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Quote:
Knowing that my wife and children were coping well with my illnesses also helped me to cope with then as I didn't need to worry about them as well as battle my illness at the time.
AMEN

Good words Arthur.

Clark, the best thing, IMHO, you could do for your wife is live and enjoy.
I appalaud you for your stalworth devotion and dedicated love to your lovely bride. It is commendable in the highest regards. I, having read of your devotion, and understanding that such love is never a one-way street, have no doubt that your wife feels the same for you.

Semper Fi, Marine

Keep the wind to your back
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post #20 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 1:40 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Sorry to read your news Clark.
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post #21 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 4:29 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark

I am going thru treatments for a Sarcoma cancer myself right now. It is hard on everyone around you , especially your spouse and family. Attitude, I have found is the best way to get thru the daily routine of enjoying each other and those around you. I never new I had so many really close friends. They are always calling, coming by to check on me helping me get to and from my treatments, so my wife can have some time to herself or with her friends. Taking me to lunch and dinner,and simply being there for me and my family as well as praying for us continually. Cancer really sucks, but living with cancer is possible for many. Maybe that will come about for you and your wife. It is hard, but try to keep her attitude on the plus side of taking in all the great things that friends and family can do for the two of you. I do not think I would have pulled thru my initial diagnosis without all of the people around me pushing me toward the life I and living that I can look forward too.
My sincere hopes and prayers for your Wife and Yourself.
Miracles can and do happen.

Jim Davidson
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post #22 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 6:40 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark,
Your wife, and yourself are in my Prayers..
Miracles do happen.. Have you read the book, 90 minutes in Heaven?
Great read.
Please keep us posted.

Jeff

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post #23 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 9:32 am Thread Starter
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Deb and I deeply appreciate all the warm and thoughtful comments. Knowing that others out there understand and sympathize with our plight makes it all easier to bear, believe me. We are not alone.

Most gratefully to all... Clark

Clark Hall
Richmond, Ma
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post #24 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 9:51 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Quote:
Originally Posted by ClarkUSMC
Most of us find ourselves at some point in our lives where we do not control events; rather, they control us.

So events control, right now, and my 2007 LT sits snugly inside its cover because I simply do not have the heart to unfold and roar out this pristine beauty.

My dear wife, you see, has Stage IV breast cancer (liver tumors) and the damn disease continues to take its inevitable toll. This insidious cancer has in fact consumed our lives and you can understand that I cannot begin to "enjoy myself" when Deb can hardly get out of bed.

So, instead of riding to Montana--where both of us would be right now--we instead consult with doctors; Deb receives "treatment," and we wait for an improvement in her condition, which will never come.

I do not leave Deb's side and will never do so. Most of you, I am certain, would have about the same perspective if your wives were similarly stricken. After all, we men are far more loyal to their wives than we are ever given credit for...

What is my point?

Actually, I just wanted from this group a sympathetic, listening ear--as well as for others out there similarly assaulted--as I well know we are not alone in this terrible situation.

But, I also wanted you to know that I thoroughly enjoy the stories about your great trips and adventures.. I live vicariously through your descriptive accounts and maybe someday--but probably not--I'll again join you out on the immortal back roads of this great country.

But if things do not break our way, I'll never again get astride my LT. Too many memories... You know what I mean.

-Best wishes, and I beseech good health to all... Clark
Clark... I will lift you and family up in prayer. My mother who has been a cancer survivor for the last seven years, must return next month to a doctors care because it has returned.
Value life and all the God offers us, it can be taken away so soon without notice. Value your time and use it to praise our blessings and strike down the enemy when he comes against us like this.
Good Luck and God Bless!

2003 Black
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post #25 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 9:52 am
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark, I read your post and prayed right then. God bless your family and let us know what is happening.

"BONES" <///><
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post #26 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 1:50 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

First my heart goes out to you and your family. My mother of 80 YO has been cancer free for 6 years now. Miracles can and do happen. Keep your faith.

As for your LT. Let me relate a story that might make you reconsider. I truly enjoy riding my motorcycles. In 2003, by pure chance I discovered I had an ascending aortic aneurysm. I was told if not detected and not repaired immediately I could expect about 6 months to live. The extent of the defect went from the root of my heart, past the aortic valve all the way up to where the aorta curves back down to the abdomen. I was given two choices. One I could replace all of those parts including the valves with synthetic parts (not made by Amisol) or I could just replace the worst part and take a wait and see for the rest. I was told if I did the entire replacement I could never again ride my bikes due to the blood thinners and risk of failure even in a mild crash. After some lengthy discussion with my wife we both realized that I may live longer doing the whole thing but would be miserable not doing the things I enjoy most. I opted for the lesser procedure and have been riding ever since. I have no regrets. The way I look at it is I would have been gone back then if it werenít for a freak discovery. I actually made a conscious choice that riding was more important to me than a few extra years.

I had my yearly ECG yesterday by chance. The doc says things have not gotten any worse since the day of the surgery and three is no reason I canít go another 40 years if those other parts donít eventually start failing, but they certainly can. (and you guys worry about your final drive failures).

The point I am making here is that if your wife knows you love your bike, she will probably want to see you happy regardless of her situation. The memories will be with you now matter what. Why not make them that much more special thinking about them while doing what you love. Ask her, see what she says!

Good luck to both of you!

Tony
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post #27 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 3:44 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Best of luck Clark to both you and your wife - and never give up hope. Nothing can be said to ease your angst but stay strong and positive for her.
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post #28 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 5:41 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark,

First I would like to offer hope and sincere prayers from my family to you and Deb...hope for one of the many miracles that can and do happen every day...and prayers for you both to have the strength for whatever lies ahead.

Many times in my life I have found myself struggling with trying to understand the reasons for bad things happening to good people. I pray that after my time on this earth is through, that I will have an opportunity to receive some answers to the questions that have confounded me in this life. But alas, I am left for now with my faith that there is a greater being, and that He has a greater plan than I am able to comprehend. We all have our part in this plan.

I have a good friend who is a professional caregiver. Recently, during an especially trying time, I asked him how she can continue to be so upbeat in a very difficult profession. She shared with me the following - I hope you might find it somewhat comforting to you:

American Health Assistance Foundation, 1995.

Caring for a loved one can be among the most satisfying--and exhausting--experiences in life. When you find yourself in the role of caregiver, remember: You'll be more effective in helping someone else if you take good care of yourself. Post this Caregivers' Bill of Rights somewhere you'll see it every day. And believe what it says.

It is all right to:

1. Be angry.
2. Be frustrated.
3. Take time alone.
4. Ask for help.
5. Trust your judgment.
6. Recognize your limits.
7. Make mistakes.
8. Grieve.
9. Laugh and love.
10. Hope.

I cannot begin to know the specifics of your feelings, during these times. I can assure you that you are not alone, and there are many that care.

Hopes and Prayers..........John

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post #29 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 5:43 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark, my heart goes out to you in this trying time. I have not personnaly experienced this disease but my daughter-in-law's mother just past away 3 weeks ago. She and her husband were bikers and good riding buddies with my wife and me. After she passed away the husband and I went on a ride that she enjoyed. He had her helmet secured on the trunk and her scarf flying in the wind. It was a beautiful sight. I think it was good for him and me as well to deal with the grieving process.

Now that I have said all of that, I am a believer in miracles and our prayers are with you and your wife. Know that we care.

Be blessed!!

Larry Norris
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Olympia, WA
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post #30 of 30 Old Jul 16th, 2008, 7:14 pm
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Re: Out of action... perhaps the new reality

Clark, I truly wish that there were some "magic words" that I could offer up to ease your heart. We lost my father in law a couple of years ago; he was a great man, that was a best friend, and one that I loved as much as my own father.

It was especially tough on my wife; she was resposible for his care 24/7 for the last few months of his life, and had to watch the toughest man she'd ever known whither. That wasn't the hardest part for her; of course, the greatest difficulty was when he finally was gone, and there was nothing more that she could do for him.

It was a horrible loss for us; he was father and friend, and was at our house nearly every day. We worked our way through the pain, by telling each other that for thousands of years, loved ones had been lost, and people had gotten through the heartache. People survive. On my side of the family my mother, a widow now for 9 months after 57 years of marriage, is proof of that. It hasn't been wasy, but she's going to make it.

I'll pray that you get a miracle in your house. I truly hope that your wife gets better. Whatever happens, you will carry in your memories forever the gift that she was!

Brian
CCR: 2008, Midway; 2011, Boise; 2012, Duluth; 2014, Chattanooga. MOA: Billings, 2015; SLC, 2017
CCR-R: 2018, Russellville
'13 K1600 GTL-P - "Eva"
Sold but "beloved" ride: K12 LT - "Pepe"
IBA #31242 (SSx2, BB, BBG)
MOA #136148

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