New Thread - BMW Luxury Touring Community
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post #1 of 23 Old Apr 14th, 2019, 6:01 pm Thread Starter
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New Thread

Okay Gents, I'm gonna try to titivate this board...
Those of you who don't know the definition of "titivate", you should look it up. It might not be what it sounds like to you.

I'm soliciting anecdotes, jokes, humorous description of mishaps, etc. Make it related to a BMW K1200LT in some way so it can stay on this forum. Or just put "BMW K1200LT" in the subject line and then go seriously off topic.

Rules of contest: I'm gonna make the rules up as we go along.
Maybe the most "likes" a post gets, or maybe the post I like best. Duration of contest: undecided.

Winner will get a USPS medium flat rate priority shipping box full of Pure Vermont Maple Syrup.

A KLT walked into a stripper bar and said: "I'm a little top heavy too..."

So, the gauntlet is thrown. What do you have?

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post #2 of 23 Old Apr 14th, 2019, 6:42 pm
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Re: New Thread

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. He asks the bartender if they serve food. The bartender says no.

What does this have to do with a K-bike? Well, it broke down and the sandwich was waiting for help...
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post #3 of 23 Old Apr 15th, 2019, 11:29 am Thread Starter
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It probably wasn't a KLT rider,

because he was a rough looking biker type with the chain wallet, club colors, neck tattoos, unkept hair and greasy beard; he was having a conversation with an elderly looking nun, when he was over heard to say: "Well, I happen to be a superior mother myself..."
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post #4 of 23 Old Apr 15th, 2019, 8:43 pm
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Re: New Thread

My LT has a mind of her own. My brother Doug gave me his 2000 LT when he bought a new K1600GT. I call her “Shatzi” and have her name on my license plate frame. When I went to the local BMW dealer they all asked me with a straight face, “what does ‘Shatzi’ mean?’ (Is BMW German?). When I got back from the dealer my brother and I checked over the LT and found that several fairing screws were missing. Doug had the hardest time replacing them to the point of swearing that it was never that hard a job. When finished he walked the LT out of the garage, squeezed the from t brake to stop resulting in a brake fluid bath all over his legs (you guessed it, later replaced with Spiegler brake lines). Doug and I couldn’t stop laughing, we realized that Shatzi was really p—ssed at him for giving her up for a younger fraulein.
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post #5 of 23 Old Apr 17th, 2019, 5:14 pm
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Re: New Thread

Humorous? Ok. That would be the time I dropped her not once, but twice at a dead standstill. Got Stella out to the street to head out on a nice long ride. SWMBO puts a foot on the peg and swings her other leg over, but a little short and didn't quite make it all the way onto the seat. So I leaned left to try to keep her from falling off to the right, but she corrected her position left at the exact same time, and over we went. Picked up the bike, got back on, and SWMBO put her foot on the left peg before I was quite ready, and I leaned to the right to compensate exactly when she hit the seat, and over we went again, in the opposite direction. Just couldn't help but laugh, and any neighbors who saw us had to be falling out of their chairs. Seriously considered canceling the trip, but off we went, without further mishap.
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post #6 of 23 Old Apr 17th, 2019, 9:19 pm
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Re: New Thread

K1200LT: The first and only bike that needed a new front tire because the sides were bald. Still plenty of tread in the center and all over on the rear tire. Really fun to see the less skilled supersport ride's eyes when I stayed with them on Bear Creek road, best to play with the stereo when you went by them at the next turn out.
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post #7 of 23 Old Apr 25th, 2019, 6:09 pm Thread Starter
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Bump,

Some worthy entries so far, but I was hoping for more.

Anyone? Please the group with your dumb joke, embarrassing moment, erudite observation of things K1200LT or other.

Your prize, in addition to some highly valuable, dayhem good Pure Vermont Maple Syrup, and of greater value too, will be the appreciation of the readership of this forum.
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post #8 of 23 Old Apr 25th, 2019, 6:27 pm
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Re: Bump,

Two cannibals are eating a clown... one makes a face and says... Does this taste funny to you?
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post #9 of 23 Old Apr 25th, 2019, 6:27 pm
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Re: New Thread

A rope walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve ropes here. So the rope goes back outside, loops his top end around himself, then musses up the top end. He walks back in, and the bartender says "Say, aren't you that rope I just saw a minute ago?" And the rope says "Nope. I'm a frayed knot"

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post #10 of 23 Old Apr 25th, 2019, 9:24 pm
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Re: New Thread

OK, an embarrassing story.

In September of 2017, my wife and I took a trip around the perimeter of the US from PA to Idaho to California to South Carolina back to PA. We hit a number of bucket list locations for me from the Wright Brothers memorials in Dayton to Yellowstone, Glacier, Devils Tower, Yosemite, Death Valley, Barber Museum, Kitty Hawk and many others. It was a great ride other than running out of gas. Yep, I ran one of the longest range bikes on the road flat out of fuel.

Basically, we had a hotel reserved in Madras, Oregon and we left Interstate 84 at Rufus. I was at about 3/8 a tank of fuel and showing around 85 miles to empty. Rufus had fuel, but we had just taken a rest break a few miles back on the interstate so I figured we’d ride another 40-50 miles and get fuel. Route 97 looked to be a well traveled route and a state like Oregon could not possibly have a paved road that would got 94 miles without a gas station, right?

So, about 7:00 PM we passed through Rufus and took a small road up over the hill and then merged into 97 just past Wasco, which had no gas. The Nav 5 showed a couple of stations along the route, but as we came to each one it was clear they were closed and not just for the night. The one place that had fuel, was a commercial fueling stop for trucks and you had to have a company card to buy gas there. This place was about 76 miles from Madras and I was showing 64 miles to empty. While we were there looking at the pumps wishing we had a way to operate them, a truck driver pulled in to fill his rig. He was a super nice man and tried to buy us gas, but his card would only operate the diesel pumps. I asked him where the next gas stop was and he said he thought Madras, but wasn’t sure. The GPS still showed one more station along the route.

The smart thing to do would have been to backtrack 20 miles to Rufus and fill up, but it was now 7:30 and I figured there had to be gas along the way and I thought if I nursed the LT gently it just might make it. Keep in mind the 64 miles - 76 miles = -12 miles. However, I didn’t do the smart thing and thanked the trucker for his help and told him I was going to try to make Madras. Well, we rode along at 50 MPH which gave good mileage, but this road was fairly hilly so fuel economy suffered. The DTE varied, but was always 8 - 16 miles less than the distance remaining to Madras. About 20 miles out of Madras, I noticed a truck following me. I was moving to the shoulder to let them pass as most were doing 60 or more, especially down the long hills to get a start for the next hill. I was poking along. This truck, however, refused to pass. As our fuel gauge got down to no bars lit we were 13 miles from Madras and facing a long uphill grade. I told Linda in the intercom that this would likely be the end of our ride as I was sure we would not make it over the hill. I got very little response as it has been a very quiet ride from the pillion seat. Sure enough, about a 1/4 mile short of the top and with exactly 12 miles remaining to Madras, the LT sputtered and died. Fortunately, there was a dirt road that exited route 97 at that point so I had a place to pull the LT well off the road. As we were getting off the bike and removing our helmets, an 18-wheeler pulled in behind us. It was the trucker from the fuel stop 60 miles back and the one who had slowed down to follow us. I’ve unfortunately since forgotten his name, but what a guy to go out of his way like that. Turns out he was from CA and heading home on one of his last runs as he was about to retire.

I secured the LT as best I could and we hopped in his truck and he drove us into Madras and dropped us off almost at our hotel. I tried to buy him dinner or give him something for this time and trouble, but he was having none of it and wished us well and drove away. I got Linda settled into the hotel (still with steam coming out her ears) and started working on my rescue plan. No stores were open to buy a gas can as it was now dark and nearly 9:00. I did find a gas station that had an old jug they would loan me, but it was missing the pour spout. So, I bought a funnel from them and filled the gallon jug and we used some plastic wrap to plug the hole where the filler spout should have been. The jug smelled like diesel when I filled it, but I was hoping there was so little as to not bother the full gallon of high test I added.

I then needed a ride back to the LT. Madras has no taxi service, at least that is what I was told. The desk lady at the hotel told me should could not leave her post and that was completely understandable. She said she would call a few of her friends and see if she could find me a ride. Just then the hotel manager, who was off duty, happened to stop in to check on things. I explained my plight to him and he said he would drive me back to the bike. So, we loaded the gas can and headed out in the dark. It was a little tricky to find the bike, but we did and then had to get gas into it in the dark. He had no flashlight, but I had my little oil check light and my cell phone. The cell phone was brighter so he held that as I poured the gallon into the bike. The old faithful LT fired right up and I rode it back to the hotel. I then got the gas can and returned it to the gas station and the day finally ended at nearly 10 PM. We had missed supper and not much was open so we decided to call it a night. And that was my most embarrassing moment on my LT.

And Linda still reminds me of that every time I mention going just a little farther before stopping for gas.

You expect to go 90 miles between gas stations in Alaska and Nevada, but never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that route 97 in Oregon would go 94 miles without a single gas station. We even went through a town with a high school that had a nice track and football field and not a single gas station (I think Moro was the name). In PA, my town has a population of less than 600 yet we have FOUR gas stations. Go figure...
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post #11 of 23 Old Apr 26th, 2019, 1:46 pm
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Re: New Thread

*Stolen from a snow rider*.


Your LT is smokin' down the Dragon - how do you get that HD off your tail?

Cut the tow rope!!
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post #12 of 23 Old Apr 26th, 2019, 2:33 pm
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Re: Bump,

Quote:
Originally Posted by mslacool View Post
Two cannibals are eating a clown... one makes a face and says... Does this taste funny to you?

One snowman turns to the other and asks:


"Do you smell carrots?"
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post #13 of 23 Old Apr 27th, 2019, 1:26 pm Thread Starter
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Fish story

A couple head out for a Sunday afternoon ride on their K1200LT. They soon pass a lake where they see a couple of guys out in a boat fishing.
Pillion rider says to her husband: "Can you believe those idiots, out there fishing in the pouring rain?!"
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post #14 of 23 Old Apr 27th, 2019, 1:33 pm Thread Starter
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Re: New Thread

One of the dumbest jokes posted so far made me laugh out loud, I'd not heard it before.
But, if it makes you laugh, it isn't dumb.
Laughter is the best medicine.
So, I'm going to wait a couple more days and then bring and end to this nonsenes and award a winenr.
err, nonseses. I mean, nonsnese. Oh, you know what I mean.

Dyslexia? Wha'ts Lysdexia?
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post #15 of 23 Old Apr 27th, 2019, 2:12 pm
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Re: New Thread

Politically incorrect, but granddad was born in Sligo so I have license . . .

One fine summer's evening, Paddy, Mick and Liam are riding back home from the bar, all three of them on Paddy's motorcycle.

Of course, they get stopped by a cop who says to them, "This motorcycle is only licensed to carry two people, and there are three of you. One of you will have to get off and walk."

"Three of us?" says Paddy as he turns to Mick. "Jeez, what happened to Rory and Niall?"

But I have no relations in Japan so there . . . to PC

What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

A Yamahahaha.

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post #16 of 23 Old Apr 27th, 2019, 2:27 pm
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Re: Fish story

Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlieVT View Post
A couple head out for a Sunday afternoon ride on their K1200LT. They soon pass a lake where they see a couple of guys out in a boat fishing.
Pillion rider says to her husband: "Can you believe those idiots, out there fishing in the pouring rain?!"
And the statement would still be true even if it wasn’t raining!

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post #17 of 23 Old Apr 27th, 2019, 3:49 pm
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Re: Fish story

Back in 2001 when I first bought a LT a friend who was Harley through and through gave me hell. Driveshaft, heated seat,adjustable windshield, it never ended.........just a bunch of BS he would say. Ya need a chain on a real bike. I just laughed and let him chatter along.

One day I waited and waited for him to arrive as we were going on a pretty long ride. He shows up and I could tell something was wrong. He was white as a sheet. Got off and lit a cig in a second. He asked. "ya got anything on your lift? Nah........WHY? Where the hell have you been.....lets go. "can't".....why?

On the way he had decided going down the road he was hot. Slipped his leather jacket under a bungee across his back seat.

Sleeve fell down into the chain. Of course we had to go look at the skid mark. He said his ass was on the gauges for about 10 seconds.....

We had to cut and cut to get all that leather out of that chain. He had to cut if free enough on the side of the road to get it to roll then made it the few miles left to my house.

He never mentioned my driveshaft again.....

I guess I will ruin it somewhat. Pancreatic cancer took him from us last year......but he was one cool Harley guy and a hell of a good friend.............
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post #18 of 23 Old Apr 30th, 2019, 11:08 am Thread Starter
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The End is Near!

As a matter of fact, it has arrived...

Thanks to all who contributed to this thread.
Good stuff, all. Thanks Gents.

Criteria for award was very subjective, as I warned in the opening post.

For contributing two posts to the thread; for dropping his bike in one direction, and after righting it, immediately dropping in the opposite direction, and for his "walked into a bar" joke, we have a winner.

That must have been both a pillion pleaser and a crowd pleaser both!
And for the rope joke, that one was new to me and I thought I'd heard 'em all. Next time I think about telling a rope joke, I'm gonna skip it.

Have I ever dropped my bike twice in succession with The World's Greatest Pillion Rider aboard? No, Frayed Knot.
I always waited an hour or two before I dropped it again...

So Mark is my winner, but not to diminish the contributions of all your other fine folks.

("Do you smell carrots?" was runner up.)

Also, I wanted to send my Maple syrup to a location that doesn't have too many Maple trees.

As far as my gifting maple syrup as a "random act of kindness", not to worry as I indulge in at least 2 or 3 random acts of self indulgence for every one of kindness I might engage in.

Cheers, guys.
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post #19 of 23 Old Apr 30th, 2019, 12:03 pm
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Re: New Thread

Wow, I'm honored!!! And on my Birthday! How cool is that?

Thanks, Curtis, looking forward to delicious pancakes!



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post #20 of 23 Old Apr 30th, 2019, 3:16 pm Thread Starter
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Re: New Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark65 View Post
...And on my Birthday! How cool is that?...
Well, I couldn't have planned that, I'm not that clever.
I'm just lucky, 'cause my middle initial is "T" which stands for serendipiTy.

Happy Birthday, and many happy returns.
Ride safe down the years.
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post #21 of 23 Old May 3rd, 2019, 8:11 pm
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Re: New Thread

Holy Moly, who knew faling off a bike and telling a stupid joke could be so profitable?!

Thanks so much. Curtis, I will be paying this forward to friends and family!

Wow!

Mark
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post #22 of 23 Old May 5th, 2019, 3:52 pm
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Re: New Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain_Wayne View Post
My LT has a mind of her own. My brother Doug gave me his 2000 LT when he bought a new K1600GT. I call her “Shatzi” and have her name on my license plate frame. When I went to the local BMW dealer they all asked me with a straight face, “what does ‘Shatzi’ mean?’ (Is BMW German?). When I got back from the dealer my brother and I checked over the LT and found that several fairing screws were missing. Doug had the hardest time replacing them to the point of swearing that it was never that hard a job. When finished he walked the LT out of the garage, squeezed the from t brake to stop resulting in a brake fluid bath all over his legs (you guessed it, later replaced with Spiegler brake lines). Doug and I couldn’t stop laughing, we realized that Shatzi was really p—ssed at him for giving her up for a younger fraulein.
When I was a teenager, we had a Standard Long-hair Dachshund named Schatzi. She was anything but. That dog was bananas, liked us in the family just fine, but literally thought everyone else in the world was out to get her. Poor Schatzi.

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post #23 of 23 Old May 7th, 2019, 6:57 am
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Re: New Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark65 View Post
Holy Moly, who knew faling off a bike and telling a stupid joke could be so profitable?!

Thanks so much. Curtis, I will be paying this forward to friends and family!

Wow!

Mark
Congrats, Mark. That stuff is like liquid gold in my house.
Nice thread Curtis. It will be remembered for a looooooooong time for the easy to remember jokes.

Have fun,
Jer

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