Divorce - BMW Luxury Touring Community
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post #1 of 14 Old Jan 21st, 2014, 11:24 pm Thread Starter
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Divorce

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-storey house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'


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post #2 of 14 Old Jan 22nd, 2014, 8:19 am
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Re: Divorce

Why does a divorce cost so much?..............because it is worth it!
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post #3 of 14 Old Jan 22nd, 2014, 8:32 am
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Re: Divorce

OK .... enough of the marriage bashing! I've been married to the same woman for more than forty years and she tells me I've enjoyed every minute.
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post #4 of 14 Old Jan 22nd, 2014, 9:09 am
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Re: Divorce

I recently celebrated six years of happy marriage. Been married for twenty but...

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post #5 of 14 Old Jan 26th, 2014, 1:35 am
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Re: Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by petevandyke View Post
I recently celebrated six years of happy marriage. Been married for twenty but...
Coma?

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post #6 of 14 Old Jan 26th, 2014, 10:18 am
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Re: Divorce

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post #7 of 14 Old Jan 26th, 2014, 11:01 am
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Re: Divorce

Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.. - Groucho Marx

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post #8 of 14 Old Mar 29th, 2015, 9:20 pm
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Re: Divorce

My wedding was great! The preacher asked me Do you take this woman.... and her daddy cocked that shotgun and said he does. Steve
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post #9 of 14 Old Mar 29th, 2015, 9:45 pm
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Re: Divorce

After the fight -

Wife - WE aren't having sex any more!
Husband - What do mean we?


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post #10 of 14 Old Mar 30th, 2015, 1:35 am
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Re: Divorce

I don't know what you guys are complaining about?

I have my wife's permission to call myself head of the household!

Best regards
Sleuth

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post #11 of 14 Old Mar 30th, 2015, 6:51 am
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Re: Divorce

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
A damn fine mistress.


"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

Ride Safe,

Bob
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post #12 of 14 Old Mar 30th, 2015, 6:56 am
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Re: Divorce

A man was riding his BMW along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The rider pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."



The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The rider thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."




The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Ride Safe,

Bob
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"We were leaving confusion and nonsense behind, performing this one noble function of our time..to move"
Dean Moriarty - On The Road

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post #13 of 14 Old Mar 30th, 2015, 7:04 am
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Re: Divorce

Come on guys... I've been happily married for 37 years! My secret, three wives.

ďLife should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!Ē
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post #14 of 14 Old Mar 30th, 2015, 7:42 am
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Re: Divorce

I have been married 38 years. Secret ?

Long ago at Ft. Leonard Wood, I learned to come to attention, receive my orders of the day, snap a salute, make a smart about-face, and go do what I was ordered.

The same thing works for the marriage !

Thank you SSgt George Tovar, E-3-2, 1969 !

Doug Stracener
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Attorney,
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