For all your sick friends - BMW Luxury Touring Community
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post #1 of 1 Old Aug 24th, 2015, 12:40 pm Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Woburn, MA, USA
Posts: 98
For all your sick friends

I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like:


"I'm tired." "I'm washing my hair." "I've got a headache." � I am your sister-in-law. �

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital
bed. He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O,
you said that might hurt! �

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000
on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she
couldn't thank me enough. But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she
goes f**king nuts! Women, I can't figure them out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born, "I don't mean to be
rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and
said, "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a f**king photo-copier."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dr Phil:
I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom
window. As I was jerking off, I turned to notice my wife was just standing there,
arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert or what?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy gets a call at work from the police telling him that his house had been robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of
silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they f**ked my wife after only five beers!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry for not calling you on New Year's, but I just got out of jail. I was
locked up for punching the s**t out of this idiot at a party. In my defense,
when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I'm coming or going."
I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face you're going, because when
you're coming you look like a f**king squirrel trying to whistle!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I f**ked a girl named Penny. Is that spooky or what?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip, do you think about me?"
Apparently, "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly!" wasn't the right answer.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
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