5 fer - BMW Luxury Touring Community
 
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post #1 of 1 Old Mar 20th, 2015, 1:05 pm Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Woburn, MA, USA
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5 fer

The mother-in-law stopped by her daughter's house after shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened?" she asked anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife --- your daughter --- telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home . . . and guess what I found? Your daughter in bed with a naked guy! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Calm down, calm down!" said his mother-in-law. "There's something very odd about that. She would never do such a thing. There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her and find out what happened.

A few minutes later, the mother-in-law came back with a big smile and said, "I told you there must be a simple explanation. She didn't get your email."

==================================

ROMANCE?

Barb was lying in bed one night. Carl was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. ?

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."?

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...Ē

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."

Angrily, Art threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.?

"Where are you going?" Barb asked..

"To get my teeth!"



DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER


80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"


Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."



Senior Driving


As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone

rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, ?

Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-25. Please be careful!"


Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
=====================================
Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing! I had to promise my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her."

They continued to fish, until they realized the fourth guy had not said a word.

So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing, or Sex," and she said, "Wear a sweater."
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