Yuk Yuk Yuk - BMW Luxury Touring Community
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post #1 of 7 Old Oct 14th, 2014, 3:23 pm Thread Starter
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Yuk Yuk Yuk

Gimme your really bad puns:
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post #2 of 7 Old Oct 14th, 2014, 4:46 pm
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Re: Yuk Yuk Yuk

Worked a case where a guy was beat to death with a bowl of Cheerios.
Suspect turned out to be a cereal killer.


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post #3 of 7 Old Oct 14th, 2014, 5:17 pm
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Re: Yuk Yuk Yuk

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

The girl said she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant, but I’d never met herbivore.

A scare crow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.

England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Back to my 9 hour delayed flight to Denver

pm
--
Life is too short to do anything
other than that about which you
are absolutely passionate . . .
Ride till you can't!

"Der Weg ist das Ziel"
2005 Pyrenees of France & Spain
2006 Tuscany
2008
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Sold in '67



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post #4 of 7 Old Oct 16th, 2014, 8:43 am
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Re: Yuk Yuk Yuk


pm
--
Life is too short to do anything
other than that about which you
are absolutely passionate . . .
Ride till you can't!

"Der Weg ist das Ziel"
2005 Pyrenees of France & Spain
2006 Tuscany
2008
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2011 South Africa
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2014 The Dolomites of Italy, Alps of Switzerland & Austria and returning to Milan via the "Gold Coast" of the French Riveria.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


2016 Northern & Central Spain & Portugal
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2018 Central & Eastern Europe: Slovenia, Austria, Poland,Hungary, Czech Republic & Slovakia!

2019 Maritime Provinces of Canada & New England 3,500 miles

'18 R1200RTW
'00 K1200LTC (Dealer is taking on consignment!)
'90 K75-Sold to a new BMW owner (2016)
'62 R 50/2 (Rode hard and put away wet)-Sold in '81
'63 Vespa 150 (1st and only dirt bike!)
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Sold in '67



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post #5 of 7 Old Oct 17th, 2014, 4:01 pm Thread Starter
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Re: Yuk Yuk Yuk

being lazy here...
google, cut, 'n paste.
But there is a fundamental principle here and that is, if it makes you laugh, it isn't dumb.
Laughter is good. Makes you live longer. Or maybe at least it helps to offset all the life shortening stuff you've been doing to yourself lately.

-I changed my iPodís name to Titanic. Itís syncing now.
-When chemists die, they barium.
-Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
-How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
-I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
-This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but Iíd never met herbivore.
-Iím reading a book about anti-gravity. I just canít put it down.
-I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
-They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
-PMS jokes arenít funny. Period.
-Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
-We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope thereís no pop quiz.
-Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldnít control her pupils?
-When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
-Broken pencils are pointless.
-I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
-What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
-England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
-I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
-I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
-I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
-Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
-Velcro, what a rip off!
-A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
-Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
-The earthquake in Washington obviously was the governmentís fault.
-Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
-When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
-I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
-Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
-Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
-Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
-Sea captains donít like crew cuts.
-A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
-A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.
-Without geometry, life is pointless.
-When you dream in colour, itís a pigment of your imagination.
-Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
-A manís home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
-Dijon vu Ė the same mustard as before.
-Whatís the definition of a will? (Come on, itís a dead giveaway!)
-A backwards poet writes inverse.
-In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
-With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
-He often broke into song because he couldnít find the key.
-Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
-Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
-What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
-There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
-The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, ďDid you get my drift?Ē
-Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giantís fingers.
-Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
-When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked ďAre you two an item?Ē
-When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
-This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. ďFour bucks,Ē says the bartender. ďPut it on my bill.Ē
-A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces ďIím lookiní fer the man who shot my paw.Ē
-A termite walks into a bar and says ďIs the bar tender here?Ē
-Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says ďHey get out! We donít want your type in here!Ē
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post #6 of 7 Old Oct 17th, 2014, 8:54 pm
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Re: Yuk Yuk Yuk

After Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame died, the bishop decided to hold tryouts for a new bell ringer. A man with no arms walks up and says he's ready to try out. The bishop is incredulous, he asks "How can you possibly ring the bells?" The man says let's go to the top of the bell tower and I'll show you. Once at the top, the man starts banging on the bells with his head, and beautiful music ensues. Just at the crescendo he misses the bell and falls down the tower to his death. The priests all gather round, and they ask the bishop "Who was that man?" Hr responds "I don't know, but his face sure rings a bell." The next day, a man walks up to the bishop and says "That was my brother who died yesterday, and I'd like to ring the bells in his honor." The bishop agrees, and just as the man is pulling on the bell ropes, he has a heart attack and dies. The priests gather round again and ask the bishop "Who was that man?" The bishop replies, "I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

Fred Jewell
No longer president, River City Beemers
2009 R1200RT - Silver


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"Shadowboxing the apocalypse, wandering the land"
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post #7 of 7 Old Oct 18th, 2014, 6:01 am Thread Starter
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Re: Yuk Yuk Yuk

We have a white tail deer that is missing one eye that hangs around our property.
It is such a regular visitor to our fields we gave it a name.

Do you have any idea what we named it?...


Noeyedeer?
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