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post #1 of 10 Old Jan 8th, 2010, 1:55 pm Thread Starter
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Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

I'll post this in Chit Chat since it's really not about bikes. Here's the link to the original




One bright shiny day in June, 2016, the telephone rings.

“Hello.”

“Is this Jack Martin, owner of a 2001 Triumph Trophy?”

“Yes. Who is this please?”

“My name is Marvin Mortimer Weaselhumper, from the Federal Motorcycle Repair Assessment Committee. I’m calling about your 2001 Triumph Trophy which you presently have in the shop for repairs.”

“Federal…what? Marvin…who? How do you know about my bike in the shop?”

“The Federal Motorcycle Repair Assessment Committee was created by an act of Congress in 2014 as part of the Universal Repair Program.”

“I vaguely remember hearing about it. What do you do?”

“It’s a long story, but I’ll keep it simple. The Federal Government deemed that motorcycle repairs were getting too costly for the ordinary consumer to afford. So, it enacted a program by which all repairs get evaluated for cost effectiveness and use-benefit to the entire fleet of motorcycles in the United States. Additionally, the consumer no longer has to pay individually for repairs to his/her motorcycle. The repairs are covered because of the registration fee increases on all motorcycles we passed with the legislation.”

“What? You mean I don’t have to pay for my motorcycle to be fixed?”

“Yes sir! That’s right! The pool of money from the registration fees gets disbursed to the repair shop by the government via the Universal Repair Program. No more repair bills.”

“That is amazing! And to think I was I so pissed about the registration fee increases!”

“Yes sir, people were pleasantly surprised that a government run program was actually good for them. Well, some anyway. Which leads me to the reason for this call.”

“Oh?”

“Your 2001 Triumph falls outside the optimum parameters of a cost-benefit analysis, because of its age. So I regret to inform you that you cannot get it repaired.”

“But it runs great! I was just having a chain and sprockets replaced and the shop told me that the parts are the same as the newer bikes they service.”

“Yes, that’s true, but the cost-benefit analysis shows that those parts and the technician’s time would best be utilized on newer bikes. If they are used on your old bike, then they will not be available for a newer bike that has more projected years of useful service.”

“I was not aware that parts and techs were in such short supply.”

“Yes, well, once the free repair portion of the legislation kicked in, shops were inundated with everyone wanting free repairs, so it caused a shortage. That’s where my office comes in. We evaluate parts inventories and available technicians, and then decide whether or not repairing a particular bike is justified.”

“I see. Well, I will just wait a while until the parts are available and do the work myself.”

“That is not possible, Mr. Martin. It is illegal now to repair a motorcycle outside of a registered facility by a registered technician.”

“Then I am going to change my motorcycle to non-operational status so I do not have to pay the increased fees, since I am not getting any benefit from them.”

“Sorry, Mr. Martin, but the non-operational option has been eliminated, you cannot opt out of the Universal Repair Program.”

“This is nonsense! You cannot possibly have the legal authority to charge me for something I did not vote on and then turn around and deny me use of it!”

“I regret that you are being uncooperative Mr. Martin. I will dispatch a Program Liaison Team to your residence so they can explain the program to you in greater detail. I am certain that when they are done, you will be more cooperative. And your 2001 Triumph will be salvaged for any remaining, usable parts”

Click.

__________
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post #2 of 10 Old Jan 8th, 2010, 2:23 pm
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Re: Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

A "death panel" for bikes?

Howard Schisler
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post #3 of 10 Old Jan 8th, 2010, 2:37 pm
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Re: Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

Wait until the FCC starts charging annual license fees for TV's like they do in the UK!

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post #4 of 10 Old Jan 10th, 2010, 7:08 am
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Re: Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

The bike was "recycled," so it was a meaningful death.

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." (Some really OLD friggin' White dude who couldn't have possibly known what he was talking about!) WARNING: Official HATE speech!
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post #5 of 10 Old Jan 10th, 2010, 9:05 am
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Re: Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

Quote:
Originally Posted by PMitchell
Wait until the FCC starts charging annual license fees for TV's like they do in the UK!
Seriously? Is this a real thing?

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post #6 of 10 Old Jan 10th, 2010, 10:43 am
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Re: Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

Yup.. in UK I think they call it "antenna fee" to address the ugliness of the antenna's.. haha..
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post #7 of 10 Old Jan 10th, 2010, 11:49 am
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Re: Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

Quote:
Originally Posted by KMC1
Seriously? Is this a real thing?
Actually in Europe many countries have that. Thats the way they finance the local public radio/TV. Instead of donations they get money from the (potential) listeners. And NO, you cannot vote out of it. The moment you can even only potentially receive it, you have to pay. Cars, homes, RV's, doesn't matter where.

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post #8 of 10 Old Jan 10th, 2010, 1:37 pm
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Re: Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

Licence fee http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Televis...United_Kingdom
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post #9 of 10 Old Jan 10th, 2010, 1:44 pm
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Re: Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

Quote:
Originally Posted by andy
Actually in Europe many countries have that. Thats the way they finance the local public radio/TV. Instead of donations they get money from the (potential) listeners. And NO, you cannot vote out of it. The moment you can even only potentially receive it, you have to pay. Cars, homes, RV's, doesn't matter where.
Wow. Learn something new everyday!
As many times as I've been there, this is the first I've heard of that!

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post #10 of 10 Old Jan 11th, 2010, 12:12 am
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Re: Federal Motorcycle Universal Repair Program

Quote:
Originally Posted by KMC1
Seriously? Is this a real thing?
Sure! But, who would think the "Liverpool Care Pathway" could be real, either?

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." (Some really OLD friggin' White dude who couldn't have possibly known what he was talking about!) WARNING: Official HATE speech!
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