Reminder: The Darwin awards are out - BMW Luxury Touring Community
 
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post #1 of 5 Old Jan 4th, 2010, 9:09 pm Thread Starter
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Reminder: The Darwin awards are out

http://www.darwinawards.com

Andreas Pleschutznig
'14 GSAW soon:
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post #2 of 5 Old Jan 4th, 2010, 9:28 pm Thread Starter
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Re: Reminder: The Darwin awards are out

(11 March 2003, Spain) Early one morning, police received a call. Three robbers had invaded a Madrid brothel! Officers surrounded the building, and used a bullhorn to coax the offenders from the premises. The robbers were understandably frightened to be surrounded by dozens of policemen. But Instead of surrendering, they decided to go out in a blaze of glory, and fled the building while shooting at everything in sight. The policemen ducked, covered, and shot back. Two running robbers were fatally injured, and the third was wounded.

Why was the gunfight over so quickly? The three robbers were carrying REAL guns loaded with FAKE ammunition. They were firing blanks, making enough flash and thunder to fool the police into shooting back, but not enough to actually help them escape.


Andreas Pleschutznig
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post #3 of 5 Old Jan 4th, 2010, 10:19 pm Thread Starter
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Here is one of my favorites:

This moment of blissfully pure and unadulterated stupidity happened while I was managing a successful franchise exhaust shop a few years back. I had won a contract to build custom exhausts on a series of hot rods. Due to the exacting workmanship required, I did these jobs after hours when I wasn't distracted by customers and staff. Tired and a bit bored one evening, I took a break, swigged some soda, and set the Coke can down on the pipe rack. It fell neatly into a length of exhaust pipe. This raised some intriguing possibilities. I wondered if a small acetylene explosion would launch a can from the pipe. As it happened, an acetylene set was ready to hand, and I proceeded unimpeded with my experiment.

I welded a plate over one end of the tube, and bored a small hole in the side, just above the plate. I dropped an empty can down the pipe and introduced some acetylene and oxygen though the hole. Test One went well. My trusy Zippo ignited the gas and there was a loud pop--but the can launched a measly ten feet in the air.

Being a perfectionist, I knew I could do better. The empty can was slightly smaller than the 3" pipe, and much could be gained by wrapping the can to fit the pipe. Test Two was better. The pop was louder, and the can launched upward with enough force to dent the tin roof of the building.

At this point I realized that I could do some damage, so I moved my enterprise out back behind the shop before proceding with Test Three. I carefully wrapped a full Coke can with a rag, oiled to reduce friction. I rammed it hard down the pipe, but could only get it down about one foot. I aimed the tube straight up (to maximize altitude) and filled the three remaining feet with oxygen and acetylene. I must confess that I experienced a brief flash of doubt, but I overcame it, knelt down a careful eighteen inches from the pipe, and lit the mortar.

The result was considerably more violent than the prior launches.

An extremely loud explosion and a searing flash of heat knocked me over. I caught a brief glimpse of a burning projectile disappearing at high velocity into the night sky. The recoil of the launch had driven the tube a foot into the ground, and the open end of the pipe sported a distinct bell shape. Luckily the pipe had held, and had not blown up in my face. Stunned, I staggered back into the shop and knocked over a six foot length of exhaust pipe. Instead of the usual crash, I heard nothing but a high-pitched buzzing. Break time was over. I carried on working.

Half an hour later I was surprised by two cops tapping me on the shoulder. They were a wee bit agitated, as they had been addressing me for awhile and thought I was ignoring them. After much shouting and several written messages, it became apparent that they were investigating a loud explosion heard behind the 20,000-litre propane tank at the gas station next door. The tank was ten feet away from my test site, behind a wooden fence!

The gas station had, of course, been evacuated. Due to my impaired hearing, I had failed to notice the four fire engines outside, and was blissfully unaware of the mayhem going on next door. Naturally enough, I denied any knowledge, but my burnt and deaf state didn't help my case. Then a curious cop followed the oxy-acetylene hoses outside...

The incident cost me a severe telling off by the cops and permanent hearing issues, but I count myself lucky. I must confess, though, sometimes I sit back and wonder... What was I thinking?

And where did that Coke can end up?


Andreas Pleschutznig
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post #4 of 5 Old Jan 4th, 2010, 11:50 pm
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Re: Reminder: The Darwin awards are out

Living here in Texas reminds me of the story while working construction...

A co worker decided one day after thoughtfully sizing and contemplating.. that a piece of leftover pipe that was machined, would in fact hold a golf ball- if you popped it in with a hammer.. it did go in after all and he decided he was going to build a golf ball launcher...
a week into it, he had fashioned wheels, the end barrel etc.. I must say it was a fine downsized cannon......

well he decided to take it home and asked me if i wanted to see and have a beer.. looking for any reason to say "hey watch this" and have a free beer i was up for it.....

his place was in a wonderful secluded trailer park and his house was at the end of the road...
(this is a fitting scene isnt it?)
On the front deck he decided to full it with toilet paper, I guess to "season" in the cannon so to speak... He packed quite a bit of gunpowder in and stuffed it the rest of the way with TP..

He ignited it.... BOOOOOOM and flying embers of TP rained from the sky for a minute or so...
we continued to intake the adult beverages and thats when he got out the GLOW in the DARK gold balls.. SInce we had made such a ruckus on the first shot he decided to take it back on the rear PAtio....
He packed even MORE gunpowder in than the previous firing.... Close to a third of the chamber had gunpowder in it... He then had an idea--- Maybe "tuck" the cannon a little closer on the back porch instead of the patio so the neighbors might not hear so much... Or whatever in that freaked thought pattern set it closer to the trailer.....

He opened the storm door and placed it in the doorway.........yes, you heard right.. IN the DOORway with the little barrel just jutting out past the threshold........ AHHHH yeh

He lit the fuse and as the fuse burnt back - I had an epiphany.... THIS was NOT good...
I was directly behind it in the bathroom door and he right beside it...
No where to run.... No where...
I realized this was going to be bad... it went BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
At that exact point - TIME stopped.... MY vision STOPPED my HEaRING- Jeeeze it was the old test pattern sound we used to have when the TV was about to go on the air, cept... IT WAS A heck of alot louder....

I saw RED RED RED.. SCreaming sounds from inside my head.... then slowly.... a little gray.. yes gray- that means I have sight coming back onlinee.. Yipppeeee and the weird noises like my whole life had been shattered.. yeh like shattered glass..
then the eyes came back into focus...
NO mirrors in the bathroom... NO window either....
more glass crashing.. the door stood kinda crooked now...SMoke everwhere in the hallway....
His Elvis painting on the floor .. the glass tv entertainment system... broken and the TV on the ground...
and all he said wuz- YA SEE WHERE IT WENT?
NO all I saw was red dammit.....
soooooo after seeing that the front door wouldnt close. we went back onto the patio and loaded up some more... you could barely see the thing for about a tenth of a second....
but the ballz hauled azz
NO cops.. No more neighbors...
All normal

OK I still have the tininitis after 25 years ago.....

Don't be afraid to say what you feel, as those that matter DOnt mind and those that mind Dont matter.
Dr.Suess-
-


1980 YAMAHA XJ650 MAXIM (RIP)
1982 YAMAHA 750 VIRAGO (SHES GONE)
1982 SUZUKI GS1000 (GONE)
2001 BMW K1200LT
2004 BMW R 1150 RT Sold.....
2007 BMW R 1200 GS
1986 BMW K100RT WITH A FLEXIT SIDECAR
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post #5 of 5 Old Jan 5th, 2010, 8:25 am
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Re: Reminder: The Darwin awards are out

Must.... resist... my.... "Darwin moment"......er... MOMENTS!
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