A Short Story - BMW Luxury Touring Community
 
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post #1 of 7 Old Jan 26th, 2006, 7:19 am Thread Starter
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A Short Story

If any of you laugh at this, you will surely roast slowly in hell.

A Short Story:

I trudged down Main Street, through the pouring rain and sleet, on my way to sell a few things at the pawn shop, prior to meeting the IRS for an audit.

Suddenly a snarling Rottweiler jumped from the back of a pickup truck that was parked in the street near the sidewalk. Only by turning my hip into him did I manage to prevent my balls from being ripped off. In the process, I dropped my grandmother's antique crystal chandelier, which shattered into a million pieces on the sidewalk. (It was in the only thing she'd left me, and I'd been hoping to get a few bucks for it at the pawn shop.) Meanwhile, the dog managed to shred my last pair of jeans, and I think he tore open a primary artery of some kind that was running up my inner thigh. He did take one nut, but I have another, and wasn't overly concerned.

I staunched the bleeding with my new silk shirt, a gift from my son who had had just been sent off to prison to begin his 20 year sentence earlier that morning. I plodded on, snuffling and coughing with the ugly flu that was coming on fast, gumming my eyes up and making my chest hurt so badly, it was nearly impossible to breathe.

As I left the pawnshop after hocking my my wife's wedding ring, a man stepped up and said to me, "Hey man, let me axe you something..."

He got no further. I reached into my bag and came out with a camping hatchet, very heavy, very sharp. Wielding it high, I brought it down with all the force in my two arms. His head split open like a rotting pumpkin, all the way down to his lazy-mouthed chin.

"Axe me? Axe YOU!" I spat at his twitching, blood-spewing corpse.

"Axe me" my ass.

Some things can just ruin your whole friggin' day, know what I mean?

Bad Ted

The Bad Ted

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post #2 of 7 Old Jan 26th, 2006, 7:31 am
 
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How COULD you hock granny's crystal? Yer a baaaaadddd mannn.
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post #3 of 7 Old Jan 26th, 2006, 8:13 am Thread Starter
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Had to. Needed a new Pfeizert Valve for the LT.

T.

The Bad Ted

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post #4 of 7 Old Jan 26th, 2006, 9:03 am
 
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Ted, Ted, Ted...
What will we do with you!


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post #5 of 7 Old Jan 26th, 2006, 10:43 am
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by messenger13
Ted, Ted, Ted...
What will we do with you!
i don't know what we will DO with him but i do know that i'm not gonna MESS with him!
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post #6 of 7 Old Jan 26th, 2006, 12:25 pm
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I aint never gointa aaassskkk him nuttin!

Pete Jessen
CCR 02, 03, 04, 08, 10
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post #7 of 7 Old Jan 28th, 2006, 1:55 am
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Howdy Ted,

Educational story, thanks. One more thing, I'm just glad I don't type with a lisp


.

Bill "Omaha"

"Life may have begun at 44, but it didn't get thrilling until I shot past 100"

'04 K1200LT "Dieter" Titan Silver, FB 4/23/04
'06 K1200R "Wolfgang" White Aluminum Metallic, FB 6/7/05

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