Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Harrison, AR, USA
A Short Story
If any of you laugh at this, you will surely roast slowly in hell.
A Short Story:
I trudged down Main Street, through the pouring rain and sleet, on my way to sell a few things at the pawn shop, prior to meeting the IRS for an audit.
Suddenly a snarling Rottweiler jumped from the back of a pickup truck that was parked in the street near the sidewalk. Only by turning my hip into him did I manage to prevent my balls from being ripped off. In the process, I dropped my grandmother's antique crystal chandelier, which shattered into a million pieces on the sidewalk. (It was in the only thing she'd left me, and I'd been hoping to get a few bucks for it at the pawn shop.) Meanwhile, the dog managed to shred my last pair of jeans, and I think he tore open a primary artery of some kind that was running up my inner thigh. He did take one nut, but I have another, and wasn't overly concerned.
I staunched the bleeding with my new silk shirt, a gift from my son who had had just been sent off to prison to begin his 20 year sentence earlier that morning. I plodded on, snuffling and coughing with the ugly flu that was coming on fast, gumming my eyes up and making my chest hurt so badly, it was nearly impossible to breathe.
As I left the pawnshop after hocking my my wife's wedding ring, a man stepped up and said to me, "Hey man, let me axe you something..."
He got no further. I reached into my bag and came out with a camping hatchet, very heavy, very sharp. Wielding it high, I brought it down with all the force in my two arms. His head split open like a rotting pumpkin, all the way down to his lazy-mouthed chin.
"Axe me? Axe YOU!" I spat at his twitching, blood-spewing corpse.
"Axe me" my ass.
Some things can just ruin your whole friggin' day, know what I mean?
The Bad Ted
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