5 Yr. Old's Funeral...Motocross Accident - BMW Luxury Touring Community
 
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post #1 of 27 Old Mar 13th, 2007, 7:51 pm Thread Starter
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5 Yr. Old's Funeral...Motocross Accident

Sorry to report that today I performed a funeral (being a pastor and all) for a five-year-old named Cody Fidler. It was the saddest and most difficult thing I have ever had to do. His family, of course, is reeling to say the least. Cody was at a motocross track practicing when an older rider jumped and landed on top of him...accidentally killing him.

We could debate a LOT of things about this accident, but one thing no one is debating is that Cody is dead. It is tragic in every sense of the word. I write this to request two things of everyone here:

1. Remember the Fidler family in your prayers. If would be an understatement to say they are in shock. The grief, questions and guilt at overwhelming.

2. Ride carefully! Please...motorcycles are great fun...I have ridden them all my life. But...they are NOT toys. You can die on them. Please be careful

Have a blessed day and RESPECT that bike. It can be a great source of pleasure or pain. Much of that depends on us! God bless!

Jack Homesley
Cornelius, NC USA
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post #2 of 27 Old Mar 13th, 2007, 8:46 pm
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Pastor Jack,

I'm so sorry to hear about this accident. They say that losing a child is the most stressful event in anyone's life. I'll pray for the Fidler family and for you as well.

Greg
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post #3 of 27 Old Mar 13th, 2007, 8:52 pm
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How terrible for his family. They will be in my prayers.

I was with talking to a friend on Friday whose young son races motocross. The conversation turned to safety. He told me that he had heard of some children being killed in accidents, often because they were on the course with older riders on bigger bikes who just run over the little ones. Exactly what happened here.
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post #4 of 27 Old Mar 13th, 2007, 8:54 pm
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My prayers are with the families of both riders. -Chuck-

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post #5 of 27 Old Mar 13th, 2007, 8:58 pm
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Our prayers will go out to that family, as well as to you.

God Bless

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post #6 of 27 Old Mar 13th, 2007, 10:06 pm
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If you lose a spouse you are a widow or a widower. If you lose a parent, you are an orphan, but there is no word to describe losing a child... The saddest thing ever. My prayers go to the family...
Quote:
Originally Posted by cccpastorjack
Sorry to report that today I performed a funeral (being a pastor and all) for a five-year-old named Cody Fidler. It was the saddest and most difficult thing I have ever had to do. His family, of course, is reeling to say the least. Cody was at a motocross track practicing when an older rider jumped and landed on top of him...accidentally killing him.

We could debate a LOT of things about this accident, but one thing no one is debating is that Cody is dead. It is tragic in every sense of the word. I write this to request two things of everyone here:

1. Remember the Fidler family in your prayers. If would be an understatement to say they are in shock. The grief, questions and guilt at overwhelming.

2. Ride carefully! Please...motorcycles are great fun...I have ridden them all my life. But...they are NOT toys. You can die on them. Please be careful

Have a blessed day and RESPECT that bike. It can be a great source of pleasure or pain. Much of that depends on us! God bless!

Gilles & Kathy
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post #7 of 27 Old Mar 13th, 2007, 10:52 pm
 
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our prayers are with you

..there have been so many reminders lately about how fragile we are and how quickly our lives can change.

A little story to reinforce how quickly things happen. I hope this isn't inappropriate. April 25th, 2004 a driver in an SUV was in a hurry and made the decision to run a red light and as a result hit me head on around 50 mph only having time to leave 7 ft of skid mark. My life has been forever changed while doing something I'd loved since I was 8, riding motorcycles. I fractured my right orbital socket (yes, full face helmet), shoulder, shoulder blade, 6 vertebra, sternum, ribs, pelvis, tibia, knee, foot, hands.. the list goes on and I'm still here to bitch about it and also asking everyone to be safe, don't get yourself into a rush, check your tires, slow down at intersections, and dress appropriately. All that basic stuff we already know but I guess maybe we should hear more often. Who cares if you're running a little late for work or whatever, it's not worth losing your life over, or surviving something like this and being in pain for the rest of your life and/or losing limbs. In most cases it's never our fault. In my case that guy should not have been there, and yet in a split second there he was, so we have to be that much more careful out there. Be safe ya'll and have fun. It's been 3 years almost and I'm just getting back on the horse to ride for a bit longer before they have to replace my knee and bench me a little longer.. And while I still love it, it takes a lot out of me these days. I can't stress enough how much I don't want anything like this to happen to you or anyone else. It is my wish that our culture took more time to talk about and teach each other the values of respect and safety for our fellow man on the road. ~ peace
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post #8 of 27 Old Mar 13th, 2007, 11:25 pm
 
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The Fidlers are in my prayers.
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post #9 of 27 Old Mar 13th, 2007, 11:32 pm
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The Cody Fidler's family is in my prayers. I have two children, age 7 and 1; nothing would be more sad than to loose one of them.

Regards,
John
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post #10 of 27 Old Mar 14th, 2007, 6:58 am
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Motocross Accident

Jack,
You have a tough job. My prayers for the family and for you.

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post #11 of 27 Old Mar 14th, 2007, 9:14 am
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Jack,

This hits home for me; I will keep the Fidler family, and of course you, in my prayers. Thank you for what you do for the community, it is a tough job and takes a very special person to do it. May God bless you and keep you.

Tony

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post #12 of 27 Old Mar 14th, 2007, 9:27 am
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Not just the family that lost the child but what about the parents of the boy that hit him? Both have prayers headed your way.

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post #13 of 27 Old Mar 14th, 2007, 9:45 am
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My prayers with the deceased, his family and you, Jack. Nothing harder in ministry than performing a child's funeral..... I know and am praying for you.

I hope the other rider and the family can some day find God's grace to make peace with each other..

May the deceased rest in peace, through the mercy of God...

May his family find peace in the knowledge that he is resting in the arms of God.

...............
J.M.J...
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post #14 of 27 Old Mar 14th, 2007, 2:02 pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cccpastorjack
Sorry to report that today I performed a funeral (being a pastor and all) for a five-year-old named Cody Fidler. It was the saddest and most difficult thing I have ever had to do. His family, of course, is reeling to say the least. Cody was at a motocross track practicing when an older rider jumped and landed on top of him...accidentally killing him.

We could debate a LOT of things about this accident, but one thing no one is debating is that Cody is dead. It is tragic in every sense of the word. I write this to request two things of everyone here:

1. Remember the Fidler family in your prayers. If would be an understatement to say they are in shock. The grief, questions and guilt at overwhelming.

2. Ride carefully! Please...motorcycles are great fun...I have ridden them all my life. But...they are NOT toys. You can die on them. Please be careful

Have a blessed day and RESPECT that bike. It can be a great source of pleasure or pain. Much of that depends on us! God bless!
Fragile young life gone. Nothing can help but faith and time. As a rider since 1971, I certainly understand I have my life in my hands. I also believe life is short and we need to help others as they face events that over power their coping skills. Has the family established a memorial of some kind?

Who is helping the other rider cope?

Rob Nelson

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post #15 of 27 Old Mar 14th, 2007, 2:19 pm
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Pastor,
A tragedy, my thoughts are of the family. I do have a question though.
I don't know if a motorcycle forum is the best place for this question but
here goes since a death is the topic. In view of the Christian belief of heaven, eternal life etc. I would think that death, even of a child would not be such a sad occasion. I mean there is the initial loss but doesn't your faith believe that now this child is in Gods care and in a happy place? Even with the initial loss, should not the family be able to find some joy in this?
Again sorry if this is the wrong place.

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post #16 of 27 Old Mar 14th, 2007, 9:28 pm Thread Starter
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Yes...and No....

Quote:
Originally Posted by info
Pastor,
A tragedy, my thoughts are of the family. I do have a question though.
I don't know if a motorcycle forum is the best place for this question but
here goes since a death is the topic. In view of the Christian belief of heaven, eternal life etc. I would think that death, even of a child would not be such a sad occasion. I mean there is the initial loss but doesn't your faith believe that now this child is in Gods care and in a happy place? Even with the initial loss, should not the family be able to find some joy in this?
Again sorry if this is the wrong place.
Let me try to explain as best as I can...

You are correct that the truth about eternity and our loved ones being in a better place gives much comfort. This would be almost unbearable for them otherwise. However, as I am sure you will agree, there is still the pain of separation...tons of guilt...lots of questions...the immense pain of the loss.

Here is the hard part....looking at the lifeless body of a five-year-old that you love with all your heart...your "little buddy." Every dad will understand. It's very hard to deal with for some...others do better...but the fact is, all who truly love struggle. In fact, Jesus Himself wept at the tomb of his closest friend on earth, in John chapter 11 of the New Testament.

"Therefore, when Jesus saw her (Martha) weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. 34 And He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "Lord, come and see." 35 Jesus wept . 36 Then the Jews said, "See how He loved him!"

Incidentally, John 11:35 is the shortest verse in the entire Bible -- "Jesus Wept." Nothing more needs be said. Thanks for your concern. Your question is a valid one. Hope this helps.

Jack Homesley
Cornelius, NC USA
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post #17 of 27 Old Mar 14th, 2007, 9:59 pm
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"Jesus wept." Fully human, fully God. 'Nuff said...

...............
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post #18 of 27 Old Mar 14th, 2007, 11:45 pm
 
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Jack - You have touched a lot of people with this. The family and you are in my prayers.
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post #19 of 27 Old Mar 15th, 2007, 10:57 am
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seattle
..there have been so many reminders lately about how fragile we are and how quickly our lives can change.

A little story to reinforce how quickly things happen. I hope this isn't inappropriate. April 25th, 2004 a driver in an SUV was in a hurry and made the decision to run a red light and as a result hit me head on around 50 mph only having time to leave 7 ft of skid mark. My life has been forever changed while doing something I'd loved since I was 8, riding motorcycles. I fractured my right orbital socket (yes, full face helmet), shoulder, shoulder blade, 6 vertebra, sternum, ribs, pelvis, tibia, knee, foot, hands.. the list goes on and I'm still here to bitch about it and also asking everyone to be safe, don't get yourself into a rush, check your tires, slow down at intersections, and dress appropriately. All that basic stuff we already know but I guess maybe we should hear more often. Who cares if you're running a little late for work or whatever, it's not worth losing your life over, or surviving something like this and being in pain for the rest of your life and/or losing limbs. In most cases it's never our fault. In my case that guy should not have been there, and yet in a split second there he was, so we have to be that much more careful out there. Be safe ya'll and have fun. It's been 3 years almost and I'm just getting back on the horse to ride for a bit longer before they have to replace my knee and bench me a little longer.. And while I still love it, it takes a lot out of me these days. I can't stress enough how much I don't want anything like this to happen to you or anyone else. It is my wish that our culture took more time to talk about and teach each other the values of respect and safety for our fellow man on the road. ~ peace
Sometimes fate can be kind, too...

About 10 years back we were returning home very late from a long journey - well after midnight - and as we approached a cross-roads near our home I said 'turn left' but she said 'no, it's straight', so we stopped even though the light was at green. At that moment a Mercedes flew through the red light from our left doing 50mph+ (this was in town). If we hadn't stopped I wouldn't be telling you this...

The lead story is really sad, and I wonder how the bigger guy is feeling now? Keep riding, but watch out for all those people who are out to kill you...
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post #20 of 27 Old Mar 15th, 2007, 12:00 pm
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PastorJack,
Thanks for the reply, it has given me a better understanding.
Internet is a wonderful thing as well.
My thoughts are with the family and you.
Mike

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post #21 of 27 Old Mar 16th, 2007, 4:59 am
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cccpastorjack
Sorry to report that today I performed a funeral (being a pastor and all) for a five-year-old named Cody Fidler. It was the saddest and most difficult thing I have ever had to do. His family, of course, is reeling to say the least. Cody was at a motocross track practicing when an older rider jumped and landed on top of him...accidentally killing him.....
Can you imagine the guilt of the rider that landed on top of the child?! I'd probably nut right up and just eat my gun!

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." (Some really OLD friggin' White dude who couldn't have possibly known what he was talking about!) WARNING: Official HATE speech!
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post #22 of 27 Old Mar 16th, 2007, 5:22 am
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Quote:
Originally Posted by info
Pastor,
A tragedy, my thoughts are of the family. I do have a question though.
I don't know if a motorcycle forum is the best place for this question but
here goes since a death is the topic. In view of the Christian belief of heaven, eternal life etc. I would think that death, even of a child would not be such a sad occasion. I mean there is the initial loss but doesn't your faith believe that now this child is in Gods care and in a happy place? Even with the initial loss, should not the family be able to find some joy in this?
Again sorry if this is the wrong place.
Well, I think a question as tough as this one should be addressed anyplace, anywhere and at anytime. So, here it goes: No matter how many times you have been involved in a death, it NEVER gets any easier. If I lost a thousand partners, the 1,001 would be just as hard! What do you say to the widow? To the fatherless child? To the childless mother? How can you bring any comfort to them? Nothing you can say is ever enough! I have found no belief system of any kind that has brought me any comfort. Perhaps those of greater spirituality than I are comforted by their beliefs. I have not been.

The last time I lost a partner (Dec 06), I was told that my friend was in a better place and that one day we would see each other again. Perhaps this brought some comfort to some--but not to me.

So, in answer to your question, despite any strong religious beliefs, there is and will never be, any joy.

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." (Some really OLD friggin' White dude who couldn't have possibly known what he was talking about!) WARNING: Official HATE speech!
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post #23 of 27 Old Mar 16th, 2007, 7:06 am
 
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The Loss Of A Child

Having lost a son, I know and feel the pain of Cody's parents. I, unfortunately, know of the future journey his parents will travel. It is a journey that will always have emptiness in it, loss in it, sadness in it. When one lose a child, a hole is torn in that person's heart that seems never will heal. It's there forever. All one can hope for is the ability to cope better over time.

We all deal with loss differently and Cody's parents will deal with their loss in their own way. I pray that they are a family of faith, as I don't know how one deals with a child's loss without it. I know I wouldn't be here today without the assurance that one day I will be united with my son, that his earthly death isn't the end, just the beginning of a wonderful eternal journey that he has undertaken and one that is filled with happiness and love. I yearn to join that journey and know one day I will.
Allen
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post #24 of 27 Old Mar 16th, 2007, 7:35 am
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cccpastorjack
Sorry to report that today I performed a funeral (being a pastor and all) for a five-year-old named Cody Fidler. It was the saddest and most difficult thing I have ever had to do.
As a retired Army Chaplain, I can honestly say that I know how you feel. A funeral for a child is - with out a doubt - the most difficult thing that I ever had to do. (Even when the "child" was a twenty-one-year-old soldier killed in Iraq.)

In my heart I truly believe that our loved ones go on to a better place . . . but it is still hard to give them up.
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post #25 of 27 Old Mar 17th, 2007, 10:34 am
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In their boat

Jack,

My sympathies to the family. I know what they're going through since I also lost a 5 yr old child.

Sent you a PM with some insights.

As with a ride, learn to enjoy the journey. If you focus on the destination you'll miss so much along the way. And take time with those along the way.

Eric
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post #26 of 27 Old Mar 17th, 2007, 11:06 am
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Pastor Jack...thank you for sharing this loss with the BMW community. Regardless of our personal religious beliefs, the loss of a child's life is one of the most difficult circumstances to understand. Your explanation of the Christian view on death was most helpful. I will pray for you and all who feel the loss from this tragedy.
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post #27 of 27 Old Mar 17th, 2007, 1:16 pm
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I perform funerals every day. I embalm the bodies of the deceased from infants to people who have passed the century mark. How do I cope? Well….I don’t drink, I don’t take anti depressants, or do drugs. I ride.

It has been truly said of every bereaved person that, “There is no grief like my grief. There is no pain like mine.” Everyone who experiences a loss such as a death of someone close to them, has a lifetime of experiences that will govern the way they feel. None of these experiences are the same for any two people. There are generally accepted stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) that most people will go through, but your life’s experiences determine how you will pass through each stage.

When anyone dies, you tend to feel empathy for the survivors. You put yourself in their shoes. “How would I feel if my son died?” In my own life I have no children, nieces/nephews or family members with children. So FOR ME, performing the funeral of a child is the same as any other person. Of course it is tragic that a young life was cut short. Tragic also is the 35 year old cancer victim, the police officer or firefighter who was killed in the line of duty, and any number of other innocent people who should have lived a long life.

It is still difficult, but somewhat easier when a person has lived a full life and is ready to meet their maker.

Bottom line is that everyone who experiences a loss needs to complete the grieving process in order to move on with their lives. It may take a long time, but TIME and support from the ‘3 F’s’ (friends, family and faith) will heal all wounds.

Of course, that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Dave
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