Taxes Explained

[gunny]

Subject: Taxes explained clearly!

I never understood taxes until they used this Baseball analogy:

If you don't understand the Democrats' version of tax refunds, maybe this will help explain it:

50,000 people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out. A refund was then due.

The team was about to mail refunds when a group of Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out the ticket refunds based on the Democrat National Committee's interpretation of fairness.

Originally the refunds were to be paid based on the price each person had paid for the tickets. Unfortunately that meant most of the refund money would be going to the ticket holders that had purchased the most expensive tickets.

This, according to the DNC, is considered totally unfair. A decision was then made to pay out the refunds in this manner:

People in the $10 seats will get back $15. After all, they have less money to spend on tickets to begin with.

Call it an "Earned Income Ticket Credit." Persons "earn" it by having few skills, poor work habits, and
low ambition, thus keeping them at entry-level wages.

People in the $25 seats w ill get back $25, because it "seems fair."People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund. After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, they must not be paying enough taxes.

People in the $75 luxury box seats will each have to pay an additional $25 because it's the "right thing to do."

People walking past the stadiu m that couldn't afford to buy a ticket for the game each will get a $10 refund, even though they didn't pay anything for the tickets. They need the most help. Sometimes this is known as Affirmative Action.

Now do you understand?

If not, contact Representative Nancy Pelosi, Senator Ted Kennedy or

Senator Hillary Clinton for further clarification.

[meese]

Sheesh, if you're gonna post this crap, at least put it in the Humor forum where it can be debated properly. :)

How about instead we look at the Republican version which is to claim that one baseball hit way out of the park is obvious proof that the head of the Baseball League is a Tyrant and Terrorist (tm) who wants to Destroy America (tm) through the unauthorized use of Baseballs of Mass Destruction (tm).

Baseballs are obviously dangerous, so we must bomb the stadium and kill anyone wearing any sort of baseball colors so that we can bring them to democracy. Meanwhile, their buddies grab up the exorbitantly lucrative stadium-rebuilding contracts (and do a crappy job at it while running massively over budget), but since there is now an obviously serious shortage of rainfall, the price of rain triples (much to the delight of the rest of the Republican rainwater supply consortium).

Meanwhile the huge budget surplus gets slowly drained off by the Old Boy Network, as the economy spirals further and further downhill due to the excessive cost of such staples as water. But to make everyone feel better, each citizen is given a Good Faith Tax Credit (tm) that is just barely enough to buy a single hotdog. This is actually a good thing, as half of them no longer have jobs due to the failed economy. Not that there's no actual government money available to do this, but as we're now into a record-breaking budget deficit what's another few billion or so?

The funny thing is that the Republicans were the ones who sold them all the baseballs in the first place, and rumors of them knowing about that home-run hit before it happened are greatly exaggerated . . . (I wanted to add a smiley here, but I just don't think I can).