Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa

[kmurphy165]

Well, I guess this is a public confession and perhaps some bit of contrition. I'm going to tell you folks about a very bad thing I've done that to some might seem to be less traumatic than it is to me. But guilt tends to intensify things. I know that compared to the loss of family and friends, my loss is not as nearly as great.

It seems that either last night or the night before, Molly my 2.5 pound chihuahua was left outside. I found her just a few moments ago, dead, apparently of exposure. I can't find the words to describe the guilt, anguish and grief I feel. Molly was my favorite of the 4 dogs. She was quiet, shy and always preferred to stay snuggled up in her covers rather than come out to bark at strangers. She left that to her younger sister, Mallory. Molly had fuz more so than a fur coat as other dogs. We have common red squirrels that are bigger than her. And ironically and at this moment terribly prophetically she hated the cold. To the point where she would go outside to do her "business" if the wind was blowing or it was raining. She would hold it until we weren't looking and then do it in the hall by the back door. She was very pretty little dog and perfectly proportioned with a nicely shaped face and she was tri-colored -- dark grey, white and brown. Molly was a perfect companion and as sweet as any dog could ever be.

I can't begin to describe the burden of guilt and grief I feel. It seems I really am losing my memory when I get to the point I can't remember to let my little dog in or even that she was out. The tears are to where it's very hard to see the keyboard. Perhaps I truly do belong at Wal Mart as a door geezer. It's going to be really hard to go to work today. I'm going to have to smile, say "Hello" to strangers when I'm just ready to crawl into a hole inside.

To those here who have little good to say about me and there are those, all I can say is, "you're right". I'm also sure that there are going to be those who will want to tell me to get a grip and it was just a little dog after all. That's ok. Mr. Moderator, feel free to remove this if you want. I'm just wanting to put a note in this part about something that was very, very dear to my heart and about how easy it is to lose what means so much. I feel so bad.

Karl

[DaveDragon]

Karl,

Sometimes, things just happen. Memory fails and good intentions produce bad results.

I'm sorry for the loss of your pet; thats like losing a little piece of your heart; it hurts.

-Dave

[gpolakow]

Who through total accident were responsible for the death of their dogs. It is a horrible experience that was devastating to both friends. It takes time to get over it. I feel for you.

[petevandyke]

Karl,

It was an accident.

You gave that dog years of love, and shared in the love it gave you in return. You provided for it, I have no doubt you made sure to take it to the vet, and spoiled it rotten.

You didn't abuse it, didn't deliberately hurt it, and didn't try and injure it.

The tone of your post shows the compassion and love you had for the pup, we all feel for your loss. In time you'll forgive yourself, if it's possible, I am sure the dog already has.

P

[jayz9705]

Karl, I know you. I didn't know Molly.


http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm


I am certain she will be at the bridge waiting for a joyous reunion at the proper time.

[Lare]

Two hours ago I tried and tried to come up with the right words to say and was unable to do so. I just logged back in and saw that petevandyke summarized what I wanted to say, Karl.

I am sorry for your loss. You did not mean to do it. Try to understand that as hard as it is, it was an accident. If I may be so bold, We are here for you.

[Nebish]

Karl:

I was touched by the loss of your beloved family member. Rest assured that you are not alone in having inadvertently contributed to the death of a beloved pet.

My wife and I got our first of many 'pound puppies' shortly after we bought our first home some 30 plus years ago. Both of us had yearned for many years to adopt a dog, but our respective families were not inclined to own canines or felines for that matter. Budgies were about the limit for my mother. Marriage and home ownership afforded my wife and I to finally become dog owners.

As novice dog owners, we did not feed our first dog the proper diet: table scraps, plate licking and rich human food formed a portion of her diet and were among the mistakes we made. Zoey, a sweet little sheltie/something-or-other mix, died a needless and premature death of pancreatitis probably as a result of feeding her a poor diet, according to our vet. To this day, this inappropriate dietary regieme and its resulting consequence continues to haunt us both.

Like virtually all of life's mistakes, the best that we can do is try to learn from them. I have no doubt through this tragic and devastating loss will spur you on to find ways to ensure that this never happens again.

To err is human...to forgive, devine. In that spirit, my earnest suggestion to you Karl is that you try to find the strength to forgive yourself.

Molly was not 'just a dog'. She was one of God's creatures, with her own unique personality, who, like virtually all of our canine friends, extended unconditional love to you and your family. In that spirit, please try to unconditionally forgive yourself.

This too shall pass.

[kmurphy165]

Many thanks to those who have offered support and condolences. Time heals and I've been through much worse and survived. Thanks again. Karl

[deputy5211]

Karl,

Today is the first time that I saw this thread, and my heart sank as I read it. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. As others have put much more eloquently, it was an accident, and as you work through the grief process you will hopefully come to forgive yourself for the situation.

Not to minimize your loss, because I understand the pain of losing a beloved pet, but I believe that reading this thread may serve as a positive reminder to the rest of us to be aware of where our furry friends are, and serves to remind us just how precious they are. I thank you for the courage to share your story, and for reminding us just how fragile and precious life is.

Peace be with you.
Tony

[tobiwan]

i came from work and My Corgi of ten years greeted me with her usual greet of barks and kisses. Fed her supper and played in the yard for a few min. and came in to rest. She ate supper and drank an excessive amount of water after and in the middle of my carpet she proceeded to lay down a layer of food. I got after her a little and she went off in the corner to sulk. After a while she came to lay next to me and she just could not seem to get comfortable. Then she quieted down and when I went to get up and take her out. She was dead.

It was devastating. I will miss her for a long time. My daughter stopped by sunday night with a combo daushound Schits00 mix that is of no commercial value to the owners. seven weeks old and full of life. and just as glad to see me.

Any way sorry for your loss.
I know how you feel

[Tallyho]

Dogs are the very incarnation of unconditional love. They don't care where you've been, what you've been up to, how much money you make, what neighborhood you live in, or what kind of bike you ride. When friends, children, relatives, or even spouses leave, they stay. They truly are your best friend in a way most people are incapable. Your loss, no matter how it occured, is significant and I grieve with you. I remember every dog and his or her name I've had since I was a kid but not so all the people. Chances are another pup is already looking for someone like you.

[messenger13]

Sorry Karl. I'm really very sorry. I hope by now that you're feeling a leetle bit better. Time will heal this wound.

[kmurphy165]

Yes, Joe, it doesn't hurt as much now. I'm very busy with a new job and we are baby sitting our oldest (my step daughter) daughter's 1 year old border collie mix while the daughter is in the hospital. All is getting better. And thanks again to everyone who has extended such good wishes. Thank you all very, very much.

Karl

[Woolly]

Dogs are the very incarnation of unconditional love. They don't care where you've been, what you've been up to, how much money you make, what neighborhood you live in, or what kind of bike you ride. When friends, children, relatives, or even spouses leave, they stay. They truly are your best friend in a way most people are incapable. Your loss, no matter how it occured, is significant and I grieve with you. I remember every dog and his or her name I've had since I was a kid but not so all the people. Chances are another pup is already looking for someone like you.


Karl, sorry to hear about your loss, you will never get over it, you'll just get more used to it.

Bob, don't know if you plageried that, or came up with it by yourself, but it's spot on. Either way, well said.